Been a while since I've updated this thing. I'm not sure why I'm posting on here. I felt like I should write something. Even it is to show people that I'm alive. I joined an on-line writing group and I'm writing little shorts for it. I'm still in a writing slump. I don't write for myself, I write for other people. I need to start enjoying what I write, sort of like when I write a neat computer program.

Well I'm quite tired. Maybe I'll update this again soon.

I sigh. I realize its my father's birthday tomorrow. Heck I don't even know if he is still alive and to be honest not sure how old he is. He must have been born in 1938. At least that is the year that sticks out in my mind. That would make him about 66 years old. But I really don't care. And it has nothing to do with me today. And again I think, why am I pondering this useless clump of garbage when there is so much other refuse to digest.

Work is the only thing in my life. Other than being ill this past weekend. It got so bad I hugged the throne for a few moments and got a technicolor view of the contents of my stomach. I save the even more colorful details for a memoir book or something in my sixties, but it floored me out. Which really bugged me because I accepted a job with Kraft and I had hoped to get most of it done during the time I wallowed in misery beneath the comfort of my blankets.

Don't even get me started about where I am in my writing. I haven't given it any time for the past couple of weeks. Not that I don't have anything to write, but I just don't have the time. But after this week things should calm down for a bit and I'll be able to continue on with it.

Enough about me.

Work is crushing me. Although I did go see the lawyer to start the incorporation process. I guess I could have done it myself, but the lawyer seems like a heck of a guy and isn't charging me so much I have to worry about how I'm going to pay bills next month.

How busy am I? I'm working on my current project. They want another project in April. I have a proposal due by the end of the week for another company. It looks to be about an 800 hour project. I was called today by Kraft to write a small program (a 3 day affair or so). I have an upcoming meeting with a company to handle their customizing for Solid Works as well as doing support work. And the guy that is helping me with Greenheck has a company that might want us to do some work on a project this summer. Just a few irons in the pot. Not to mention some erronous reports from people that tell me they will keep me in mind if they need me.

I've been told to stop piddling around and get writing. I wish I was piddling, but my mind gets so fried after a day of programming and writing technical documents that it is hard to get into the stream of writing. Maybe I should try writing at the beginning of the day. I've never really tried writing in the morning, but I guess that might help.

I bought a FoxTrot graphic novel. Its becoming one of my all-time favorite comics. I can really relate to almost all of it. I get a giggle a two from almost every page.

-7432-
me

Thursday already? What the hell happened to the week? Wasn't it Monday only yesterday? *sigh* I feel like I'm running backwards while the rest of the world is passing me by.

On a fun note, I bought the laptop. Its HUGE!!! Its like a mini theatre on the road. I'm trying to get everything installed for work.

I met with my old boss Randy. We are both operating our own businesses and interconnect from time to time to provide each other opportunities. I also got to show off my new toy. Randy got me a DVD. The Tick live action TV series on DVD. I've never really watched it. I hope I'm not disappointed. I loved the cartoon and the comic. I've been a fan of it since the second or third issue almost a decade ago. Why did Randy do such a dasterdly thing? While I used to have many a Tick object in my cubical while at MasterGraphics.

I did some writing last night after I blogged. It felt great. Wish I wasn't so busy and I'd do some more. But things are going well I suppose despite the busy schedule. Well I suppose I better get a move on it.


-7432-
me

I'm supposed to be working. I'm way behind, but here I am staring at my blog. My list of things to do grows each day. I didn't get much done today other than spend some money. I'm supposed to make the money not spend it. Heh.

I purchased a domain name and got someone to host it. I want to improve on the site I have now for my business. I'm putzing around with some ideas. Somehow I want to make it dynamic and worth coming back on a continious basis. Not sure how I'll do that right now and still maintain some professional attitude. Still...I wanna do something different.

Did I say yet that I'm busy and I should be doing something more productive than pecking away at my blog? I should be. I think I'm going to write some. I didn't get to it last night. Tonight I should. Tomorrow I shall be busy programming and such.

-6267-
me

Forever. Okay so it hasn't been that long since I wrote anything of substance, but it has been almost a week since I opened up my word document and typed. Work really has been a bear. Today I went to my new accountant and gave him all my paperwork. He told me go find more money I spent last year and hurry up and spend more money before April 1st. I'm going to incorporate my business then. I told him I had my eye on a plasma TV he snickered and said it had to be business related. Isn't Tech TV a business related expense. It is like having a industry class piped into your home everyday. He said no.

Well I went away for too long. I sought a decent price for a new laptop since mine is turning into a dog. When you are running AutoCAD and trying to compile programs, you need something with a kick. I think this would be an excellent choice as a business expense. I'm looking at the
HP ZD7000 series with the following options:

P4 3.2 Processer w/ hyperthreading (need to see if this is worth $100 more
XP Home (I'll put Pro on it)
512 MB of RAM (If I lose the hyperthreading I'll bump this up to 768)
60GB 5400 RPM (Faster HD or More space...tis a toss up at this point for me. I went with faster)
4x DVD+RW/R CD-RW (I wanted a DVD burner on this machine as well. I'll spend the xtra for 4x)
54g wireless (Not sure if I want this. Need to check two things. First being integrated does it inhibit the signal and will g work with b?)
128 MB FX 5600 GeForce...biggest video ram (makes a big difference)
Docking station...I need that

2298.99 with $200 in rebates....whee...

I need sleep. Night all.
-6267-
me

It seems like I've been working two jobs the last few days as I've tried to get the notes together for the Nor-lake proposal and contuing to work on my current project. I struggled with a bug today that I finially conquered. So we can send a release off to the customer tomorrow after I spend some time with an accountant.

The problem is that I haven't felt like doing much writing the last couple of days. I did get a nice chunk done Monday night. This is Wedensday right? I want to think it is the day before. Time seems to be fleeing quicker than I can count it. Although sometimes I feel like it is a blessing. Get my time in and then I can check out. Heh.

Other than working, life has been pretty drab. Haven't been able to do a whole lot. I'm trying to backup my DVDs, but that is a slow process. It take about an hour for each one and it eats at the cpu so I try to start the large stretches of time when I know I'll be afk or something.

babble babble babble....

-6267-
me

Wow. I got some writing done last night. That is what I'm supposed to do, right? I took a hot bath, read my Snoopy book and an idea struck me. The nice thing about it was I ended before I got into the meat of the idea so I can start writing without thinking too much tonight. I'm exercising my writing brain. I think it got winded last night. I don't want to pull anything or I might be out another 2-3 weeks. I might lose my starting job. Heh.

On a side note, my writing time might be a bit limited for the next couple of weeks. I have to do a huge proposal for a company I used to work for when I was at MG. They made a list of about 50 items they want fixed or their software to be able to do. I think I'm bidding against other companies, but I think I have the inside track position since I've worked on the project before. The proposal has to be in by March 12th.

"Don't quit your day job."

I wish I could find more blogs of writers I enjoy reading. I combed through the one I found last week and it is funny how she describes how she is wringing out what characters do and argue about.

-5143-

Lost in Translation and Anything Else are the two most interesting movies I've seen in a long time. When I watched them, something in the back of my mind was shouting, 'What the hell are we watching?' and yet I shut the voice off and finished watching the movies. Both had interesting qualities that made you think and I as I digested the films they endured themselves to my heart. I still hope Return of the King wins best picture, but Lost had its moments. It contained very visual scenes of Tokoyo and Japan.

Anything Else of course was about a writer dealing with a strange relationships. Why is it that writers are protrayed in this way? Not saying I've not been involved in my share, but geez it is like a moth to flame? While I'm not a fan of Woody Allen's work, I only watched it because I enjoy Jason Biggs. I guess to my surprise I did relate to Jason Bigg's character from time to time.

I watched Roxanne this morning. It only confirms the fact that Steve Martin is a genius. I hope one day I get to meet him before either one of us loses our mental facilities.

Yesterday sucked. I can't even describe how bad it sucked. When the words come or more likely brave enough to spew the events out maybe I'll spill the beans. I wandered the town alone last night. Glad I'm not prone to drinking. Ended up at a movie theater, watched Welcome to MoosePort and then went to my sanctuary Barnes and Noble. I'd rather have gone home, but that wasn't a possibility at the moment. I did pick up "Snoopy's Guide to the Writing Life."

Tommy turned 17 Friday. I turn 40 this summer. Time keeps on ticking right along. Guess it is about time I realize there isn't anything I can do about that.

-4241-
me

Broken Music is a great auto-biography of Sting. It isn't so much about the music, but rather what he went through to make it big. It is a good read. I think he'd make an excellent novelist, he uses metaphores and other writing skills you find in good writers.

My computer went *blank* last night. I'm under the crunch for work and I lost a lot of work when it froze. Then I tried to reboot it. Sometimes it would come on and then reboot for no reason. I had a heat issue. I went to the computer store and bought a new fan. So far it has ran stable except for one time, but I was burning a DVD at the time so I was stress testing it a little. But everything seems to be fine, but realize I'm not trying to overclock it.

So what I'm trying to say is that I haven't had a chance to do much writing at all. *sigh* That bums me out. I haven't been able to practice the guitar as much either. I spent most of the day on the phone so even when I did get my 'puter up I wasn't able to work. Guess it is going to be a long night tonight.

-4241-

me

Sting, Broken Music , is worth checking out. I bought the book this weekend and it starts out quite interesting. I haven't gotten real far (50 pages or so), but i'm enjoying it. I'll probably finish it in the next couple of days. Although I have to becareful because I'm in the middle of three other books. Heh.

I bought a couple of other books, On becoming a novelest , A Throne of Storms , and The Sex Chronicles they should keep me busy for the next week or so. Of course that the Throne series is a large book so that might take me a while.

I didn't get much writing done this weekend. I've been working so much I pretty much took the weekend off from almost everything. Heh.

-3663-

me

I've come to a realization that my blog isn't very popular on the net. Of course I'm not linked from many sites/blogs out on the net, but then again I don't have a ton of links from my page either. This might mean something, but I'm not sure what at this time. In reality it doesn't really matter since this is all shit that goes in on my mind which usually only has to deal with my neurotic tendenacies about my ability to write or in most cases not write.

Maybe I should spew hard Right or Left wing politic views and get people in an uproar about Gay Marriages or who did something about weapons found or not found in Iraq. Nah. That really isn't in me to do. Then I'd have to pay attention to the news. There are too many other things in life to waste time on than that. Wasting time. Well I guess I wouldn't consider much of what I've been doing lately as wasting time. But then again other than some work getting accomplished I also don't see a lot of progress on some of the things I wanted to have completed.

Have you ever read laurellkhamilton books? I've read all of the Anita Blake series and the last book is the best of all. Sometimes the descriptions of things are over the top (espicially clothes, but I'm not gonna go there), but Narcissus in Chains is a wonderful book. I admit this book is filled with violence, lust and sheer imagination. Since I've read the first nine books I must have enjoyed something about them. For the first time in the series she seems to have let the characters do what you think they should have been doing long ago. This means more sexual contact. Not that I have to read something with a lot of sexual overtones (or blantant sex), but it gives the story an edge espicially when they are vampires and they feed off lust like they do blood. She has another series as well that I've started (the first two books), but she only has three books out so far.

I shoudl go to sleep. I haven't slept well in the past few weeks. It has been a combination of sore legs, half-awake dreams and wishing I held my Valentine in my arms. That day will come I know. Patience she tells me.

*night*
me

I've been trying to rediscover my writing ability again. I'm like the Muslums taking my yearly journey to Mecca. Not that I know much about this spiritual walk, but I know I return to this habit of mine quite a bit. I have to reaffirm to myself that yes I can write and yes I must try and succeed at it. It is a daunting task for me. I'm not quite sure why it is. During these funks I reread many of the writing books I have collected over the years to remotivate me.

It is different these days. I'm not wallowing in my own self doubt. This time I've reread some of my work. The poetry, of course I stay away from because when I read some of it I wonder why I tried to be so cryptic. But that is for another discussion. What I do know is that I can write a reasonable story I can enjoy. Take in point The NightClub. Although written with a heavy sexual tone, I find a lot of the elements of a good story. I know some of you will roll your eyes at that last comment, but I don't believe I'm in Hemmingway's company, but I think I did a decent job on it. And I surprised myself along the way.

I'd also like to point out that I'm writing. I think I'm onto something special, but I have to remind myself that I can pull this off. I get these ideas in my head that can span a lot of things and I'm afraid I can't pull it off. I can only write one word at a time and see if I can do it.

me

Four months since I've posted anything here. I'm a little doubtful anyone will check to see if this still exists, but I'm not doing it for anyone other than myself. If you, my dear reader, find this along your web surfing adventers then let me warn you of the content below. Grissle. The tough hard look at my inner self undaunted by anyones ideas of who I should or shouldn't be.

But this too shall pass.

The horse is dead and buried. The topics I broached in previous posts months ago are history. I'm looking for change and a better life. Work is going well and I'm busy. I think I could get busier, but to be honest it isn't all that important to me other than to provide me and my kids what we need to live until I marry that someone special I have.

I'll write more, but suffice it to say. I've found everything I've wanted. Now I have to be patient (insert doctor joke here).

*wave*