Saturday, November 26, 2005

Thanksgiving is only overshadowed by Black Friday. Funny how the USA terms the busiest shopping day after an event that lead to one of the darkest periods in our nation's history. But oh well what are you going to do? Well I stayed in and worked on my new writing website. I revamped how I'm displaying my poetry and stories. It isn't finished yet, but check it out here: Bob's poetry and short stories.

I thikn it will be pretty cool when I am completely finished. I'm also hoping by going over some of my own stuff it will inspire me to continue a story or create a new one. I've probably spent way too much time on this little project as it is, but it has taught me some valuable things for work so it has had its benefits.

I need a shower....raises his eyes up...I wonder...nah nevermind (snickers at his own nasty thoughts...)

outta here

Monday, November 21, 2005

Ever wonder during your existence in this world if you are the main character or a sub-character? Am I supposed to have an important role in all of this or am I destined to be the comical relief and serve the other performers of the play so they give a better performance? I think I'm stuck in between these two and I have a hard time breaking out. Or maybe I don't know what the hell I'm talking about and I should shut up. Yeah. Damn now I'm wondering if I'm an extra. Doh.

outta here

Friday, November 18, 2005

On-line Poker.

Yep. I took the plunge. Wil Wheaton hosts a weekly online poker tournament. The main one is on Friday nights, but I entered into the the Thursday Texas hold 'em warmup action. There were 70 or so people signed up. Its only a $10 buy in so it isn't like I'm selling the family farm to pay my gambling debts.

Anyways, I waited until 9:30 my time and *ding* the action begins. I win 3 hands, but loose a slightly bigger hand. Then about ten minutes later I have an Ace/9 dealt to me. On the flop a Jack, Queen and another card (like a 6 or something) turns up. The bets are small and I stay in. I probably shouldn't have, but with the Ace in my hand I figure someone has to have a pair to beat me and the bet was reasonable enough for me to stay in. On the turn an Ace turns over, the player to my right (Guniess) makes a sizeable bet. With the queen/jack showing I figure I have a pretty good chance of winning or spliting the pot if he has an Ace as well so I call. The rest of the table folds.

On the river, the last of the five over turned cards, another Ace appears. I have three aces now. Guniess is first to bet and makes a large bet. Instead of thinking why he would come out with such a bet, I still figure I have three aces and queen jack. He'd only beat me if he had two aces or ace/king. Before I thought about it, I hit the call button and all of a sudden I'm all in. Damn.

The computer shows me his hand, Ace/Queen he has a full house. It beats my three aces. I finish 63rd out of 70 people. I went with having the most money on the table to out. But it was fun. I also learned quite a bit. I think I'll try playing next week again, but be a bit more cautious with my play. I know I'm an aggressive player, but think a bit before I more.

On a side note, I'm working on revamping my writing site. the www.twizzlesticks.50megs.com site has been up for a long time. I have some neat ideas for it and will announce it here as well as sending an email out to all of those who have previously viewed it. I'll even try to add some new content. Egads! That means I might have to write something....

ciao baby

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Wednesday's are my day off from the gym. My legs need it otherwise by the weekend I can't walk. Today I'm being hip and writing my blog at an Altanta Bread Co. which provides free wire-less internet connection. So amongst all the office people I'm sitting here pretending to be geekie, but in reality I'm typing away on my 'puter. The food isn't too bad either, although I wish they had a smaller size of soup.

If you haven't noticed, I've been posting more. I'm not sure why really, but it makes me think of writing a bunch more. I guess on the grand scheme of things its good. It means I'm writing something which is what I want to eventually do. Secondly, I'm able to express some things that I've been stewing inside my guts for the past few months.

Why I fail.

I believe I understand why I fail in my private life. I don't fail in my professional life because it is a different world. For the most part, all I have to do is communicate with the computer. The personal relationships I make in the business world is that, business. I do my job rather well and people respect that of me.

Personnally I believe I'm too impatient. I jump at the chance to make something work. I want it and I want it now. I don't allow things to develop or realize it isn't time yet. In all aspects of my life. Instead of running marathon's I'm running wind sprints with people. I usually exhaust them before the chance of anything real can take hold. Or at least that is what I think I do, its been so long I don't remember, heh. This application of impatience can take on many forms, but even when I'm alone I'm in a hurry to have someone. This solves nothing as I'm looking for the next soul to lean on whether or not I should be looking for it. Sometimes as I have realized it is good to be alone so you can get your thoughts in order so that when you do meet someone you are ready for it.

Being ready may not always mean financially ready. For the most part it is emotional. This question of readiness is about allowing that person to be themselves. You are as comfortable with them as you are without them. Of course as the relationship builds, the bonds grow and the spirit of wanting them more apart of your life increases, but because you are secure with yourself there is no hurry. It is pleasant for them to be in your life.

What really messes me up is sex. As any typical guy, I think about it WAY too much. My alarm remains silent and yet I'm wishing someone next to me would roll over and begin something. Realize in my dreams, morning breath and pillow hair are not part of the equation. Heh. I write about it, I watch it and I think about it. I want that body near me, next to me and I want to carass, kiss and stimulate a passion and an emotion from someone. Then I'm impatient. I want that feeling of knowing I can exact a response from a woman. The tender sigh of pleasure. The voice that flirts with me, begging me to write them something, something personal and hot. I feed upon it. And I feel dangerous and unstoppable when I know I've written something so juicy that gets them wet when they read it. I want to devour someone and I want them to feed upon me.

gotta run

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

The perfect evening...

(or at least one of many)

On a cold winter's night, we decide to have a beach party in our bedroom. A picnic basket full of cut fruit, cheese and a bottle of wine (or other favorite drinks) is packed while we turn the heat up in the house. While you get dressed in your swimsuit, I take the time in the bedroom to light various scented candles that would remind us of the beach. I even play a cd with that repeats the sounds of the seashore. You can begin to hear the waves crashing and seagulls crying when you step out of the bathroom.

On the bed, I've spread out a blanket and laid out the food. Its now my turn to run and change my clothes. Meanwhile, you've taken the suntan lotion out, spread a bit on your legs and arms so the scent of the cocoa butter is now in the air.

I come back and find you wearing your sunglasses. I giggle a bit and commend you on your improvisational skills. We settle down next to each other as I pour the drinks into the clear plastic glasses while you dish us up some slices of fruit and bits of meat and cheese onto paper plates. I feel your body relax as you merge into my chest, soaking the image we created in the bedroom. I take a grape from your plate and hold it to your mouth while you nibble it out of my hand. Your lips touch the tips of my fingers as I let out a submissive sigh. I reach down and grab an orange peel and continue to feed you. Some of the juice trickles down your chin and I gather it up with my finger. I'm about to bring it up to my own mouth when you grasp my hand to stop me. In slow motion, you bring it back to your mouth and suck on my finger with a little bite at the end. I'm about ready to throw everything off the bed and attack you, but I also want to savor the mood we've created.

I find another slice of orange and as I'm bringing it to place it in your mouth I squeeze a few drops of citrus nectar on your chest. You smile as you open wide and let me insert the orange slice into your mouth. I lean over and lap the few drops off your skin up towards your neck, but I rise up and kiss your lips. We end the kiss with a slight smack and our tongues brushing each other as we taste the acidic juice off each other.

Sooner or later my taste buds would have the need to taste the sweetest fruit in the world. Even though we would only be beginning, I would delve my tongue on your clit until waves of your juices trickled down my chin where I would use my own finger to catch them.

My dear it would only end up perfect if I made love to you where we would feel the waves crash over us and drowned in the desires of each other's hearts. Only to be outdone the next night in another encounter with your beautiful soul.
Scott Adams:

ID vs ToE
*ding*
Let the argueing begin! You read it. I'll reserve my thoughts so that I don't get flamed! LOL.

I've been trying to finish our latest website project. Almost all of our sites have been done in flash, but this one has a database back end where users can order via Paypal a guitar from his site. And the actionscript has been kicking my butt. Not because it is so difficult, hell I can program about any language in my sleep. The problem is that you need to be aware of the 'movie' while the script is trying to run. Another issue is that expect a function to be included, but then you realize you have to write it yourself. I guess it is all the little nuiances in learning it. We'll have the site done today or tomorrow, then I'm going to 'fix' it since I'm not happy with the response time from the database.

In other news, its all quite on the northern front. It is supposed to snow tonight. *sigh* I'm not looking forward to this winter. It might be my "Winter of discontent." I make it sound like I'm baracaded in my house with a standing army waiting to starve me out. In an earlier post I stated how unhappy I was and I'm not sure if that was the best way to describe it. The words written around the statement are as true as I could make them.

I'm directionally challanged. My business seems to have growth and relapses, but I'm not sure how to handle it any better than I'm doing. Personally I know I'm swimming in a sea of self-doubt. Not that I don't have confidence or the ability to meet a woman that would make me happy, but what should she be like? When you find that perfect one and she moves on without you are you supposed to measure everyone else up to those standards? I doubt it. It wouldn't be fair to those that you meet nor to the woman that once was. So I understand I need to find something new about these women who enter my life and judge them on an individual basis. But are they going to 'get' me? Hell do I get what I'm all about? That's probably my problem I'm more worried about how people will respond to me instead of figuring out what I'm supposed to be focusing on and letting the chips fall where they may.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Last night I had a social event. The Chamber of Commerce in the area put on a meet and greet gathering for the local members. Jenny and I showed up a bit after 5 and felt a bit overwhelmed by all the people there. Food, drinks and chatting were all free. We met someone from the Chamber who was kind enough to start introducing us to some of the other members. Our first introduction was to a representative of CellCom a local cell phone company. We pressed hands, explained who we were and what we did. He mentioned a deal only for Chamber members with his company and the lady escorting us went bonkers with telling us what a great deal he offered. I felt like I was in a daze, people swirled around us, the aroma of food from the table beside us and the call of free booze descended over the crowd noise. Then we locked into that lull with our new cellphone friend where neither of us knew what to say. Our escort became distracted by other people and I managed to stick my hand out and say, "Pleased to meet you."

We stood in the middle of the room like a snowflake lost in a blizzard. I suggested we go get something to drink. At least it was something to do. She got a diet coke and I took some spritzer that I knew I wouldn't enjoy drinking, but it made me feel important. We turned back towards the throng of people and had no clue where to start. For the entire night I knew it was my duty to press my hands into these people and tell them about my business, but seeing everyone in their unique clusters of people didn't give me cause to interrupt them. Like lions on the hunt, we waited until one of the herd became separated and pounced upon them.

The night progressed and we met a dozen or more people in various types of businesses. We did manage to get a lead or two for website designs. I told Jen that this was like going to church. The first time or two people eye us as outsiders wondering if we are going to continue to come around. And as we feel more comfortable in these settings I think we will be approached as well as find an ease to greet others we haven't met yet. Patience.

I haven't finished my story yet. Its sitting on my desk, half written in some old notebook. The pattern has become complete with this and I fear it will continue to sit there and then be forgotten.

outta here

Sunday, November 06, 2005

I wrote this bit tonight...Do you sense a pattern?
---------------------
Chilly air trickled in from the small opening of my window. It tickled my nose and I grabbed the blankets and pulled them up to my chin. I closed my eyes and imagined you lying next to me.

In your slumber a smile had crept upon your lips. Taking care not to wake you, I turned towards you. Temptaton stired and I desired to touch every part of your body, but I composed myself. Your perfume from the day before aroused every sensual muscle that had yet to waken. Closer I leaned until I noticed your nipples pressed against your red satin nightgown. I resisted the temptation to draw a light circle around them to see if they would grow further. While I drank in your body, inside my mind I heard your laugh, your pleasant sigh and the way you said my name. Your smile grew as I realized you did speak my name. Your hand reached up and held the side of my face while I melted up against your warm body. That was how I wanted to wake up.
------------------

Yesterday I started the short story for the contest. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to finish it in time. It isn't something I usually write, but at least it is something, huh?

I had a terrible weekend. I'd rather be anywhere but here kind of weekend. With winter coming it doesn't help. I can't think of any place to go anyways, so I realize as usual I'm stuck. That probably sucks the worst of it all. For most of my life, I had often wondered what I wanted to be when I grew up. But in the long run the question has always been, what will make me happy. And after all this time and searching I only found a glimpse of it once and I pissed it away. Now all this time I've felt lost going from day to day hoping for the spark of the unusal to grab my attention. I used to be happy. I think I've forgotten how that even feels let alone how to attempt to be in that state of mind. Maybe it has passed me by and I'm looking downhill to the end of my life without hope. Probably not, but sometimes it really feels like that.

outta here for now

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Will Wheaton has a nifty blog. Even though the popularity is astounding I wonder if it becomes an issue of 'having' to post. Heh. What the hell would I do if I 'had' to post something everyday? I suppose I'd do it, but with so many things going on I'd end up forgetting and well it would end up like this site? Six months would drift by and then, "BAM!" Hey Bob got a wild hair up his lily white ass and posted something. And yes folks it is lily white.

It is day two of the write a short story contest and guess how many words I've gotten down on paper? I'll give you a hint. The contest expects about a five thousand word story. For those with poor math skills, that would be a thousand words a day. To take a step further, I'm supposed to have two thousand words completed by the time I go to bed. Maybe I should be doing something about it.....

I'm growing a goatee again. Not sure if I look better or not, but I suppose with the colder months on their way it will keep my chinny chin chin warmer. It's at the first week stage where it feels wierd. Enough length to play with, but not enough to be comfortable. It would help if my facial hair grew a little faster. Soon I'll be complaining that its growing too fast.

I solved a major web database issue today. We are working on a site that will read a database and dynamically place pics and text into a flash file. I think this is going to work great. Jennifer(my graphic assistant) is quite amazing with design. She does a pretty good job with art as well, but her real talent is making things look good. I've come to learn that I need to stop inputing my ideas (when I get going, its hard to stop) and let her do what she does best and she's darn good at it.

checking out now...