Sex! Sex? Sex. Oh please? *sigh* Am I too obsessed with sex? I've only been in one relationship where the sex was mind blowing. Where she would meet me at work without any panties on and tease me that I couldn't do anything about it. That is until I got home and I could have my fill on whatever was in our imaginations that day. And not once or even twice, but three times a day! Yes even at my age I can muster up the troops a couple of times a day.
And then there are the other women I've become involved with, where everything starts out great and when its time to move to the sexual side of things even that is wonderful. The promises of the world are given and you take that on faith that it will always be that way. But something happens and it changes. The frustrating thing is you've invested your heart into a relationship, you want to be beyond close with them, but it isn't important to them. Any argument seems futile and you've left with we don't have to have sex to be in love.
No we don't. But it tears me up inside and it doesn't really matter. Then I start thinking crazy thoughts. Do I put too much emphasis on it? What is a normal sex life? Once a week or once a day? Why do I get so upset when I have to argue about it? Again am I being selfish because I want to feel good and yet she doesn't want to do it? Should I be concerned with her wants/needs over mine? And yet it doesn't seem fair.
Why does life seem to get harder as we get older? It never is simple about things. Love isn't enough. Telling someone you love them often gets a half-hearted grunt in return. Passion is something only for teenagers and I'm not supposed to think about that because that isn't how life really is. Why not? Shouldn't life be the way you make it?
And yet...if I were to buy that purse for her, I bet I could twist it into sex. How pathetic.
cya laterz
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
If you're happy and you know it stomp your feet
Suppose you had one moment in your life that you could change. Is there one possible moment that defines people. The fork in the road so to speak where you know if you took another path or made a different choice that things would have changed. The point is we don't know if that one moment changed would have the effect we thought it might. For example, if I would have stayed with my grandparents instead of living with my mother would I have turned out more mature and focused earlier on in my life? Should I have sought out my ex-wife after we broke up before we were married and tried to get her back? What then? Or the countless other life events that at the time seem so slight, but now as we gain age and (supposedly) wisdom we can say we could have done better, Howard?
What if the better ended up being worse? If I wouldn't have married my ex-wife, who knows who I would have met. Might I have grown up quicker, became dependent upon booze, found my creative spring or succeeded in areas on my life I never knew existed?
If only. Or I could have done better. But now lets take that energy and look forward. Time and age quicken our days and we are often left hoping we could have done something more. Do we spend time looking ahead or behind? And if we are looking to the future; do we ever catch the future? Are we making the things happen despite the choices we made or didn't make? Are we learning from our past mistakes so we can life a happier life?
Happiness. Sometimes this state of mind is as elusive winning the lottery. What then is the key to happiness. I used to think it meant doing what I want, but I'm learning that it really is making those you care about happy. Those that are closest to you. The ones who smile at you on a day to day basis. The ones if you get sick or hurt will be by your side until the end (good or bad). Are you giving yourself to them? Is there happiness more important than yours?
Do I have anything to back this up with? No. I don't have a national study, research paper or biblical passage or two that is evident that this will work. But if you think about it, a moment of spending time doing something for someone they don't expect that makes them happy is sure to reap you the reward of being happy. Keeping them the center of your attention has to pay off. This only works of course if they really love you. And when you shower them with your attention, creativity and love how can they not help but respond?
The future then becomes looking forward to doing something special for the people you love. In return they love you back and you feel wanted and needed. A synergy of love begins to circulate between the two (or more) people [not talking about threesomes :P] and no doubt your happiness becomes apparent and the things that matter to you, will matter to them. They in turn will help you reach your inner most desires because in the end, they care enough about you to urge you on, because you care about theirs.
Seems so simple when written, but when you have no money, the kids are always complaining and the house is a mess who wants to make that lazy son of a bitch happy? Maybe changing yourself will change them and if not, you know you trying your best to make those you love happy and in the end, find the peace you want.
At least I think so...
cya laterz
What if the better ended up being worse? If I wouldn't have married my ex-wife, who knows who I would have met. Might I have grown up quicker, became dependent upon booze, found my creative spring or succeeded in areas on my life I never knew existed?
If only. Or I could have done better. But now lets take that energy and look forward. Time and age quicken our days and we are often left hoping we could have done something more. Do we spend time looking ahead or behind? And if we are looking to the future; do we ever catch the future? Are we making the things happen despite the choices we made or didn't make? Are we learning from our past mistakes so we can life a happier life?
Happiness. Sometimes this state of mind is as elusive winning the lottery. What then is the key to happiness. I used to think it meant doing what I want, but I'm learning that it really is making those you care about happy. Those that are closest to you. The ones who smile at you on a day to day basis. The ones if you get sick or hurt will be by your side until the end (good or bad). Are you giving yourself to them? Is there happiness more important than yours?
Do I have anything to back this up with? No. I don't have a national study, research paper or biblical passage or two that is evident that this will work. But if you think about it, a moment of spending time doing something for someone they don't expect that makes them happy is sure to reap you the reward of being happy. Keeping them the center of your attention has to pay off. This only works of course if they really love you. And when you shower them with your attention, creativity and love how can they not help but respond?
The future then becomes looking forward to doing something special for the people you love. In return they love you back and you feel wanted and needed. A synergy of love begins to circulate between the two (or more) people [not talking about threesomes :P] and no doubt your happiness becomes apparent and the things that matter to you, will matter to them. They in turn will help you reach your inner most desires because in the end, they care enough about you to urge you on, because you care about theirs.
Seems so simple when written, but when you have no money, the kids are always complaining and the house is a mess who wants to make that lazy son of a bitch happy? Maybe changing yourself will change them and if not, you know you trying your best to make those you love happy and in the end, find the peace you want.
At least I think so...
cya laterz
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