Fuck you? I wish...

Sex! Sex? Sex. Oh please? *sigh* Am I too obsessed with sex? I've only been in one relationship where the sex was mind blowing. Where she would meet me at work without any panties on and tease me that I couldn't do anything about it. That is until I got home and I could have my fill on whatever was in our imaginations that day. And not once or even twice, but three times a day! Yes even at my age I can muster up the troops a couple of times a day.

And then there are the other women I've become involved with, where everything starts out great and when its time to move to the sexual side of things even that is wonderful. The promises of the world are given and you take that on faith that it will always be that way. But something happens and it changes. The frustrating thing is you've invested your heart into a relationship, you want to be beyond close with them, but it isn't important to them. Any argument seems futile and you've left with we don't have to have sex to be in love.

No we don't. But it tears me up inside and it doesn't really matter. Then I start thinking crazy thoughts. Do I put too much emphasis on it? What is a normal sex life? Once a week or once a day? Why do I get so upset when I have to argue about it? Again am I being selfish because I want to feel good and yet she doesn't want to do it? Should I be concerned with her wants/needs over mine? And yet it doesn't seem fair.

Why does life seem to get harder as we get older? It never is simple about things. Love isn't enough. Telling someone you love them often gets a half-hearted grunt in return. Passion is something only for teenagers and I'm not supposed to think about that because that isn't how life really is. Why not? Shouldn't life be the way you make it?

And yet...if I were to buy that purse for her, I bet I could twist it into sex. How pathetic.

cya laterz