Heh I found this picture on the web. I asked my boss to put it over the threshhold into my office. Thought I would share.

me

Another day...woo hoo...I'm not looking forward to Thanksgiving. This weekend is going to be long. I can already sense it.

I found a strange website today. It urges people to write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November. I don't think I'll be able to put toegther an original piece in four days. The concept is to allow a person to stop thinking so much and write. It also amazes me how many people want to be writers. It makes me feel like I will have to climb over many people to get published. I should think of this like a sport? I doubt it, but it puts in perspective two things. One how many people tinker with the idea. And two, how much harder I should have to persevere!

me

I added a weatherpixie to my website. I must admit that I was unoriginal about this since I saw it on another blog. I'm supposed to be working today, but I'm out cruzing for chicks...er websites! I'm thinking of putting a second one up of Orlando or someplace down in Florida where I wish to move to...SOON! I'm so fricken tired of the cold. Of course this all has to do with writing...:P

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What a bummer of a time this weekend for my writing. I didn't get much done over the past three days. Can I use the I'm too busy excuse? Well I could, but where would it get me? And if it got me, how would it get me? Remember when you were a child and your dad or mom was going to 'get you'? But in this case I'm not using the 'get me' phrase in this fashion. And for most people who know me, I don't have a great fashion sense. I believe this is the early stages of feeble-mindedness.

I do have a project to write, but the motivation (excitement) hasn't kicked in yet. Which in my little wonderful world is another term for procrastination and lucky for me doesn't involve the use of a proctologist! But I do know I have my head squeezed up the orafice he or she would examine. If by chance you were unlucky enough to have to visit a proctologist, would you rather see a man or a woman for your condition? I suspect getting ones head removed from their ass would require the tact and skill of a psychologist. Maybe this is why I believe I'm a prime candidate for stupidity. Not the kind of stupidity where I can't add two and two together, but the rare form of the disease that allows me to continue to live in an unfulfilled life where the only thing I have contributed to the world is my ability to procreate. Now that sure is one legacy no one else has ever achieved!

Of course I could be wrong about it all...
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"You can't beat that with a stick." I'm not sure where this saying came from and a google [internet search] provided no answers to the origins of this either. I'm stuck with the ability to eradicate the image of people beating on things with a stick. Some things can't be beaten with a stick. For example on my way to the bathroom, a customer sighed and an employee remarked that it sure was nice to be Friday. In reponse, the customer added, "Payday as well." "You can't beat that." I added the, "with a stick" in my own little thoughts as I walked on by. You can't beat a Friday with a stick, but there are other things you can beat. Which brings me to the old cliche of, "Beating a dead horse." A goggle on these words returns the many usages of this saying including a few jokes.

Now I've beaten a horse to death many times in my life. I remember playing Rolemaster [a roleplaying game superior to AD&D] in my youth and having many discussions to the point where we made jokes about the horse we've beaten to death, buried and rose from the dead so we could continue to strike it with our proverbal whips until we were mentally exhausted. Our usual topic was about a young gentleman who my Gamemaster (GM) had issues (pronounced ith-ues) with. The horse had more lives than a cat and our gaming sessions became more of a bitching contest. It worsened after the young man left the group, because the stench of the horse never disappaited and yet during the night we would find some reason to raise the spirit of the dead horse to beat on it. With a stick of course.

Funny how things slap you in the face like a large hispanic woman who thought you said whores instead of horse, but cliches have been my bugaboo (peek a boo bugs?) since that horrid review of my poem. When the TV has been on and I catch a glimpse of a show I've many cliches used in dialog. Why do TV writers do it? To dumb down the TV so all the morons who watch it can get it? I know it goes on in movies and books as well.

The problem with many phrases I hear is that I have little word play games that fire off in my head. In many cases the humor escapes the casual fan (heh like I have fans), but I chew on the flavor of the giggle I created for my own self-amusement. At least I keep myself happy.

Oh well enough bantering today...

me

Can you believe it is already Nov 21? I think I'm going to wake up dead one morning (a paradox within itself..waking up dead) and wonder where all the time went. That simple thought keep me motivated to write even though I haven't produced much over the last few years. The fear of sitting on the porch, in my rocker screaming at all the youngin's to stay off my grass and wonder what happened to my life! What did I do? Sit around watching TV and playing video games? Hrm that is a good feeling now isn't it?

I really don't watch much TV. The writing is bland and talk about the use of cliches! Half the jokes are based on cliches let alone the cliched format of the sit-com/doctor/law and order format. At least some of these shows have realized to make the shows the same name with different actors. Now I won't say I never watch TV, because there are a few I do watch. Hidden hills on NBC after Frazier is good, always has some interesting topics to speak about, but even then it is cast in the same die as the other family sit-coms.

Movies aren't much better. We went and saw the new Steven Segal movie and I was unimpressed with it. Now LOTR 2 is coming and as I've said before I'm drooling for that one. Not sure about the Star Trek movie, I think they have done all they can with that series, before during and after the original time line. And I'll see 007 if nothing else to gawk at Hallie Berry in a swimming suit. Woo Hoo I'm such a guy!

me

Right now I'm pushing the rock up the hill. I want to write, but I'm waiting for my subconscious to catch up with my urgency and tell my conscious mind where to continue on with the story I already have. Meanwhile I have been to some great websites as I prime my mind. Orson Scott Card has a great site with a lot of columns that are quite interesting to read ( a blog without the fancy name!). You know who Mr Card is don't you? He wrote Enders game a while back that blew my mind. While reading this site he linked me to another site which is funnier, but I haven't had the time to really read. Eric Snider is a humor columnist of a Utah newspaper and it is amazing that Utah isn't a country of its own. Between the two of these guys you really get a perspective of how different the cultures are in the US.

These last two entries should be one post, but I had problems posting and publishing it this morning.

me

Alrighty then...

I have my book...it is actually one I started a while ago and really liked the characters and premise and I think it is my most orginal idea. One of my big issues I have with myself is that my 'ideas' are very unoriginal and all I have are my characters. Well dammit, the characters are what make a story alive. Heck even Star Wars (the original) had the same basic plot as many stories in the past only the setting and characters changed. Han Solo made me a Star Wars lover, but I always liked Star Trek better. The ideas, stories and characters seemed more alive and real than any Star Wars movie. I know I shall not blaspheme the name of George Lucus, but in all reality how good was it?

Take Lord of the Rings {excuse me whilst I wipe the drool from my chin} and how wonderful the book{s} and movie(s) are told. I can get dizzy thinking about them. That is what I'm shooting for not some run of the mill story with exacting plot and paper thin characters. Let me delve (I like the word delve it seems) into people so readers care and want to know more, not bore them. Guess if I'm going to shoot for the stars I need to take aim at one of the masters huh?

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I updated my webstie and changed it to use some iframes and listboxes on the same page. Thanks for the suggestion Nat! Not sure how much more goofing around with it I'll do, but it is has a much better presentation then it did a month ago. Looks a little more hip anyways. And you all know we must look hip! I'm not sure how I'm feeling today about yesterday's events, but I know I will continue on. I'm too far down the road to stop and take a left turn now. Heh. What I really could use is a nice nap :)

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Thanks Kathy and Nat1
It is always nice to know there are some who believe in you when others don't. I know my poetry is a bit out there and strange. I use some weird representations of what I'm really trying to say. Is it poetry or not I guess I shouldn't worry about. After work tonight I went to Barnes and Noble and scanned the books. Funny thing about book stores, it used to inimidate me to see so many great books and wonder if mine will ever find a place upon the shelves. Now it is like home away from home. I can grab a book, loose myself in it and realize I belong here instead of many other places. It is almost spiritual for me I guess. Strange, but true. Of course it isn't better than sex, but it can give the same sense of satisifaction.

Over the years I've sensed rejection like this so it isn't new. maybe as I have gotten older it becomes difficult to swallow, but I take my medicine and realize they will all be proven wrong one day. I've already proven a lot of my criticis wrong already so what is a few more these days huh? He wait let me get a few more cliches in this paragraph! They've only added a few more logs to the fire that burns inside of me to accomplish what I want. But like fire it will temper me to become even better. I know my work needs improvement or otherwise it would glisten off the page like a minted silver dollar. Who knows if that day will ever come, espicially with my poetry, but I will continue with my goals and say the hell with them.

Tonight while the rain splashed down around me, the car wipers scrapping back and forth, and some song blared out from the speakers I realized I'm pretty nuts to keep trying. It would be easy for me to simply throw my hands up and let them know they won, but I won't. In fact I will conspire with my subconscious to have a book written by March. So the hell with pretty much with everything else it is time to put up or shutup. you know me and those cliches, I can't leave them alone!

So with that I struggle onward towards my fight. And I thank you all for cheering me on, but I'm the only one who can step into the ring and take my shots and my blows. It is how I recover from both that will make me into the writer I shall or shall not become, but it is nice to know that after each round there are those standing in my corner to help me continue into the next round!

me

Well I put Ruby lips on the Gaz. I knew they would roast it like a pig at a Packer tailgate party. Here are some of the comments of the 'elite'.
1.
"This is really worthless. There is no point in going over it line by line to point out its many errors because it could not be improved to a point where it would interest
an experienced reader.

You'd need to start over, and that's both bad news and good news. The good news is that you can purchase or borrow a decent book on the craft of writing poetry
before you post your next poem. I usually recommend "A Poetry Handbook" by Mary Oliver. It's relatively short, has good examples, and provides information that
can be applied to may different poetic styles.

If this work is representative of your poetry, you really need more help than you will get through posting and on-line critique."
2.
Triston, this poem offers way more information than I need about what's going on. It says dull things about sexual acts in a completely boring manner.

Why would what you do in private be interesting to me? And to join your lips to someone's pelvis, well, they'd have to be some whoppers. Not only that, but you're
tapping your foot in 3/4 time. Give me a break.

This in no way resembles poetry.
3.
The poem is full of abstractions (panic, fantasy, soul, fears, love), cliches (intoxicating breath, caustic effect, savage discourse of love, ruby wine dances upon her
lips), and strange, ridiculous language (Ragged hands torn by a gluttony of slivers grapple along the feminine fears, A tear dispersed by a kiss evolves my
temperament to distinguish between past perceptions to a future)

I'm guessing you are a beginner. Spend some time reading other poets and other poetry on this site. You will learn fast.

Okay so there was a few cliches in there. I admit that, but I also liked the abstractions that was the point. As far as the ridiculous language, well it made sense to me, but I suppose if it only makes sense to me then I'm not communicating very well now either am I? So now what? I'm not a poet or even think like one. Maybe I should focus on my stories, but then again they will be filled with chiches, abstractions and strange language. I feel winded right now.

me

Time. I only need some time to get my shit together. In this time I will find my vioce in my words. I will write. What I will write about I am unsure of at this point. I sought the gaz message boards again today. I'm scared to post their, but I know it might take my writing to another level. I'm not sure which one I should throw to the wolves. On a side note, "Enchantment" was rated #6 in the top ten poems of the week on Deep Water. Funny thing is that poem recieved very few comments while I thought some of the others I wrote would fare better. Guess you never know what is in the mind of the reader until the rubber hits the road. Maybe I should stick that one up on the Gaz. Shrug.

I tried to write a story last night or even start. After a few failed attempts (I did download some mp3s. Heh) I wrote another poem. I'm not sure how I feel about this because in a sense I am writing, but it isn't the output I want. Maybe something inside of me needs to come out and right now poetry is my release. I should go now for a bit.

me

Okay I really need to start concentrating on longer things than just poetry. Heh I wrote one today because I was eatting chee-tos. Funny thing where your imagination starts with and which road it decides to travel. And I need to make more time at home. While at work I'm busy coding for everyone and all I can think about is how I wish I could be writing. After I get home, I dilly dally with the things that keep us busy and when everyone drifts into dreamland. Guess what I do! I play DAOC. (BTW I'm a beta tester for the new expansion!) The game, like EQ or even some muds gets to be repetitious and boring at times, but when I'm able to roleplay it can be a blast and the task of killing the same thing for the 80th time doesn't seem so dull. In the past I've had a tendency to over play games, but I'm focusing myself not to do that with this one. In reality, I should give it up and focus on things more important.

I was plunking around the Internet this morn and found a site of the top 50 places you should see before you die. I think I've seen 3 or 4 at the most. How disappointing! I want to change that. Give my life more of an adventerous tone to it. I think that will broaden my writing. Reading and writing will also do that, but I have that tattooed in my head.

Good or bad writing, like most artforms is subjective. Nat made a good point, but my point was is that I want it to be good enough for my own standards and I don't think I'm close to that yet. If I become satisfied with the quality or subject matter of my craft then where do I go from there? Wouldn't it be really cool to sit down with Shakespear and ask him what he thought? Before he drank himself into a stupor that is. I've read enough about writing that I can almost hear the words he would speak to me. Every writer in every writing book mentions the same things. Oh they all have little twists and turns some patterns of the art are more important to one or another. For example, Steven King hates the use of adverbs and for the most part I have to agree with his assessment. Not that I never use them, but I try to pick as many out as I can when I'm "really" writing. And if you have done ANY writing at all or remember back to the days of Freshman English, what is the first rule of a creative writer? Show! Don't Tell!

This weekend will be busy I think, but I am hoping I can dig up some of the things I have started in the past and begin either anew on a story or regain my touch on something previous. I must admit I'm at a lost for a novel/story idea, but I know there are many floating inside waiting to be plucked!

me

In the still office I concentrate to muse about my abilities to accomplish the life I want. These musing started a few weeks ago as I have previously noted when Sandy asked if I was writing. During this upheaval in my life, someone else who has been dear to me throughout the years (Meredith has seen it all with me) also asked if I still wrote. At that time I admitted that my pen was silent and even though she never typed a word in the IM, her disappointment in me rang in my ears.

With poetry I started up again. I find I can convey a message in this form in a short amount of time. Makes me feel as if I accomplish something, even when I don't have the gusto to write. A funny thing happened on the way to the poet's house. It dared me to start thinking about what was important. How I felt. Deep self examination of my spirit and I didn't like what I saw or heard. But I began writing again and it rekindled my excitement for the craft.

I rediscovered a poetry board to post my stuff. Immediate feedback on what I'm writing is a powerful drug to me. You scrounge for the right words and test them in your head and then the imediate impression it makes becomes addicting. One fallout with this method is that I'm not sure if I'm improving in the craft. Are my poems stronger, tighter and better as I write more? Or am I adding more electronic swill to the internet stewpot? I guess the same could be said for the things I compose here.

See I still have this innate fear of thinking I'm not very good. And all these people are feeding marshmellow fluff feedback to hide their true feelings to protect themselves or me. Which I think is hogwash, but in the back of my mind I play with the idea like a ping-pong ball. Back and forth I try to discover why people think I have this talent for words. My grammar sucks, I fight to spell words and I don't think I stack up within the realm of the proper literary world. In fact I feel as if I don't really have that much to contribute other than my own voice.

My writing voice is what makes me the writer I am. I've never sought to study any one style. I think it has been homogenized over the years by the vast number of writers I have read. I've never studied the true art of poetry. In fact, most poetry bores me. Heh. I don't think I'm supposed to admit that. Now there are some poems and poets that astound me and I love reading them over and over, but I'd rather involve myself in a good novel.

What is all this drivel about then? It means I must trust my on instincts and if I really love to write as much as I profess then there will be someone out there willing to read it. Now I need to open the muse and let the stories out that have been trapped while I rummage through the refuse of my life. I have my purpose (see Gary Larson's farside cartoon about Edgar finding his purpose) again. In fact I have two new purposes, but they are intertwined together. In fact, so much so that one might fail without the other. This of course will be seen and it all might be hogwash, but that is how I'm treating it for now. My focus is on a few matters at hand and the rest they say...will be history in the making.

Well after signing up on this blog. I decided to add a link to my writing page to this so people could read my most intermost thoughts about my writing. Maybe not very provocative, but we shall see what happens over the course of the weeks. Anyways as I looked at my website to add a link I decided it was time for an overhaul. I slapped some javascript in, some listboxes, made a css and woot I have a new website. Very....green...hehe. Then I started looking at this and realized I wanted to the ability for people to add some comments. And DING it happened! So all in all I'm somewhat happy with the way things look. Not sure about this style yet, but everything is working!

I'll add more random thoughts later today!

Guess I will pick on this while I'm at work. [edited for content] about work! In the past few weeks I've taken the time to start writing again. Sandy asked me why writing isn't important to me any more. It used to be everything I'd talk about. Over this summer my enthusiasm vanished like a pickle at a baby shower. I rejuvenated myself to the task of putting my thoughts down on paper. Most have been bleak, but some things have changed over the past few days to give me hope about my life and future. I can only hope and pray it continues so that I can experience everything I'm supposed to.

Over the past few days I've been hitting a lot of websites from authors and grammar. Not to learn tricks, but see what areas of my toolbox needs to be strengthened so I can become serious about this. I flirted with the idea that I would like to make computer games (heck I even applied to EA Sports), but I know in my heart that although I could be content in doing something like that, my real passion is with the written word. And although I have no idea what I'm doing, it all seems to make some sort of sense at the end. Now I think I need to take the bigger leap into the language and dose myself with all the rules so I know why I'm breaking them or why I'm following them. Reading Shrunk and White is a good step, but I need more testing and practice so I can recognize my faults. Instead of being scared of using the power saw, I want to grasp in my hands and cut through all the crap to a well-written poem, story or blurb.

Until another day...
me

So I've joined the community of blogs. I'm not sure if this typical of me or not, but it is an easy place for me to rant about my musings about writing. Most of the crap I write here I will already have the answer for but, in reality it is a nice place to have a discussion with myself and for others to peek in on and see what the big deal is.