I write decent smut. My mind seems to turn to something perverted. No matter what, I can do something romantic/sexual pretty much any time I sit down to write. This bothers me, because I don't think anyone takes it too serious. Writing good smut takes as much discipline and soul searching as anything else. I know Anne Rice has written the Sleeping Beauty and other sexual novels, but in all fairness no one really takes that stuff as serious as something else. I wonder if this stops me from writing. I'm sure everything does since I haven't been active in a long time. I wonder if I try so hard not to write something sexual when I feel I should be writing something 'important' that I cut myself off to the stories I really wish to write. Not that everything I do has to be sexual, but like I said, it comes very easy to me. Something like the post a few days ago I can churn out in fifteen minutes. I also want to write about a more vivid experience than I have been getting (boy isn't that the truth). I imagine what I want things to be rather than the way things are. This also scares me because then I wonder if I'm searching for something made up in my mind instead of trying to settle for something average.

*sigh*

Should people settle for something average? I've tried that in a couple of relationships and it leaves me wanting so much more. I've had the taste of nirvana with someone and that seems to spur me onto something I can't even imagine even if she thought she had nothing to do with it. I don't think it is a question of someone being more than they are, but rather when you connect with that someone it is magical. You just know that person will be there beyond words. Their soul is there and is willing to die for your beliefs as well as their own. That my friends is not average.

My life, for the most part, has been made up of averages. I've been told what I could do, what things should be and the what not, but when the brass tax is filed down to it all, I'm average at everything I do. I want more from myself than average, but I'm not able to obtain anything greater than just okay.

Just another average day...

me