Can you believe it is already October 12th? Sigh. Where do the days go? They dissolve so fast at my age I guess.
I can't believe of the moments I've given up due to my stupidity. I know wishing to turn back the hands of time does no good. Need to learn from my mistakes and move forward and realize I can still attain the things from life I desire.

"I thought love was only true in fairytales..." Hehehe I remember singing that on the phone.

Over the past few months I've come to realize what love is supposed to be. No, not the kind of love that comes natural to a brother, sister, mother or a father, but the kind of love a man learns to develop when he finds the person he is supposed to be with. You first must have the spark. That little thing you can't get with just anyone on the street. Although a whimper of lust is present, it goes beyond the basic want of the opposite sex (or the same for those who are wired different in that department). Its easy (speaking for the male population) to look at a beautiful woman and lust after her, but that isn't the spark. Most men are decieved by this, since the only passion is what a wonderful fuck she would be. Maybe even a trophy to brag with the guys for a few weeks as he parades her around showing the other apes what he has conquered.

What then, oh Dr. Bob is the spark you speak about? The spark leads to questions in the mind and of the heart. Makes you wonder what kind of sound does she make when she sneezes. What? When you first meet that someone you really fall in love with you ask in your heart you wonder about all the unimportant things at the moment. Not what color panties she has on. But that question is there, but he will also wonder what her favorite joke is or how he can make her smile without saying a word. Because if you can make someone smile without trying, that my friends is the road to true love.

It takes maturity and wisdom to understand when this happens in your life. When you are in your twenties, everything you do makes you feel like this so you are misguided into thinking that this is the spark, the flame to a life long relationship, but most guys (even women) don't understand what they are feeling. They found someone who is willing to take a chance to listen and go along with a few simple thoughts. When they are too far commited to each other, Sex, Money and even the task of doing chores around the house is a disruptive force.

It is like sipping wine. Although I'm not a big wine drinker, I do know you use ALL of your senses. The bouquet
of her presence simmers in your mind, the taste of her thoughts echo in your heart, the touch of her words makes you do things you never thought possible, when you catch a glimpse of her smile you know everything is alright and the sound of pleasure in her laugh is an unescapable chain that captures your heart for eternity.

These feeling are wonderful and yet the most scary in the world. Sometimes you want to run, both to and from because you can't believe it is possible. The rollarcoaster of love. Up and down, from side to side all the emotions roll around in your stomach and makes your head disbelieve your heart. And then you do the most stupid things....

*sigh*
me