Its about time I have another update since its been almost a week. Life has changed significantly in the past few months I'm not sure how I can ever begin to explain all the affects the ripples of change has washed over my life. Right now I'm in a limbo. Waiting for the right time to make the move. It all started last month...

The truth unfolds to my blog...

In the beginning of August, I sped away with my things in my car. A few dollars in my pocket with my last paycheck, tax return and some money I made fixing some software for Kraft on the side. I had the opportunity to go anywhere, be anything and I chickened out. I went to Texas to see if I could find Michelle and as it turned out she was otherwise engaged. I don't blame her, I hadn't spoken to her in months, but I guess I hoped I would be able to get an apartment and start showing her how much I still loved her. We were supposed to meet the next day, but I knew it wasn't in her heart to do so, there was no sense of joy or hope that I had arrived in Abilene.

I'm sure one day I'll find someone who I'll really love once again, but she will always be the love of my life, the person I will always remember that I was stupid to let slip away because of my own insecurities. But I still can't help thinking about her everyday and wondering what if... There are no what if's in life and I need to move on I suppose.

2003 has been wicked. The whole Sandy thing at the begining of the year, car having major repairs, my son moving in with me and then both my kids moving to Nevada, losing my job and topping it all off with the fact I wasn't strong enough to venture out on my own. Now I'm out of money and I have to wait again until I grab some sizable income. I've got a job offer that should retain me some of that cash by Oct or Nov and if I bill out a sizable chunk, I'm going to move to the south-east and live someplace warm.

You thought I was going to say start over? Nope. Starting over starts now. I haven't wrote anything of any importance in the past six months or so. I get a flash of motivation, but then it dies out. I've turn 39 last month and what do I have to show for my life? Mid-life crisis I suppose one might think I have achieved and they would be correct.

What do I want?

1. Write 1000-2000 words a day
2. Get in even better shape.
3. Move someplace I want to be.
4. Smile more.
5. Find someone who I can connect with in all areas of life. Be picky about this.
6. Have fun.
7. Learn to play guitar better.
8. Did I say write?
9. Work hard at my job.
10. Pierce my ear? hehe

There are so many things in life that can get in the way of what we want. Yesterday I found a book of positive quotes. I'm not sure if it was inspirational, but the thing I got out of nearly all of the quotes was that no one in my life can 1. make me happy or two get me to achieve anything but myself. I can't rely on a 'perfect someone' to do it. My perfect someone should be my partner, not my coach, child or anything else. And someone I can sink all my emotion and energy into as well. I don't need to put up with someone, but rather find the other half as those are want to call their mates.

I have such energy....I hate to be stagnant.

I'll go now.