So this is Christmas...

It is towards the end of the day and I'm contemplating on going to see LOTR again. The day started off well, getting woken up at 5:45 by my little girl. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes as hers were wide open gazing at all the new presents under the tree. It made staying at my ex-wife's house for the night worth it. That my friends is another paragraph in the making! After everyone settled in, Tommy (he will be playing my son) donned his elf hat and passed out the presents under the tree. I received a book from my kids "The Shaping of Middle-Earth". Rachel's (she plays the ex-wife-renamed to X) new boyfriend (call him Bald Bunny) opened my only other present my daughter got me; from then on it seemed I was out of place. After the damage, the assembly of presents, batteries and the chance to 'check out loot' it was mid morning and I decided to say my good-byes.

I have the greatest gift of disappointing everyone I meet. I wish I knew how to stop doing this. Because of the recent events, I could not take Bekah (the sweet six year old that plays my daughter) for the week. She cried in my arms and I felt as I've been ground up in the grist mill. I held her for five minutes and tried to explain everything to her, but to a young girl there is no explaination. And if she hurt as much as I did, I couldn't cry enough to make the pain go away. There was no way I could bring her here.

X and Bald Bunny snuggled up on the couch as the idiot box blared some special reunion stories from some talk show. Tommy pulled out his M&M tie and tried to twist it around his neck. He wrestled with it until he gave the tie to the two rabbits on the couch and they took turns modeling his new look. Neither of them knew how to tie it and I chuckled to myself about how red this man's neck is, but I had strict orders not to make fun of anyone. I took the tie and with a few wooshes had it knotted up around my neck. To my son's dismay I took it off and proceeded to teach him how to do it for himself. After four or five times, he got a decent knot and length and vowed never to release the cloth from its bondage. I remarked the tie would develop creases and it wasn't wise for him to leave it in such condition. He put up a mild protest, but in the end the father figure (I think that is me) won out.

One might think I have a case of jealousy concerning the X and Bald Bunny. Amused would be more the description, I think she put on a small show for my benefit. Why? Rubbing the recent events in my face or trying to get me to leave I'm not sure, but it did make me uncomfortable. Usually I would say screw it and have fun with it, but remember my last post, I've been told I need to hold my tongue more often so I did. I think it made Tommy uncomfortable as well so I said my goodbyes; yes my daughter cried again, then left.

The only restraunt open nearby is Hooters. Christmas at Hooters, I should write a poem/song about it. I decided I didn't want a Christmas memory of ornage shorts and tank tops dancing in my head, I lie I do, but it is Christmas. Instead I stopped at a convience story (sometimes they really are handy!), bought some chocolate milk and frozen burritos! Woo hoo eat your heart out! Who needs ham, mashed taters and all the trimmings! Not like I planned on this cuisine, but things don't always work out as intended.

This next week is going to be long. A lot of difficult conversations, decisions and less than ideal conditions of the heart and mind are going to be involved. I know this blog is really supposed to be about my writing, but in the scheme of all things I haven't believed in much these past few months and this is the reflection of it all. I'm sad yes, but I don't blame anyone for where and what I'm doing today. I'm sad I let Bekah down, but I will make it up to her. I need to.

Merry Christmas, if my wishes and dreams can't come true, my sincere hope yours will!
me