How come there are no do-overs in life? Can I erase it like an etch-a-sketch and redraw what I want? The problem with that is I'm quite awful with drawing and I'd probably screw it up even more. Again I'm digressing about writing and focusing on my personal life. This has turned out to be one of the worst weeks in my life, it is rising to number one with a bullet! Not like I'm David Letterman and I have a top ten list of bad weeks of my life, but I can't think of too many others that are similiar. My $450 repair job on my car has soared to $2000, I'm moving into a new place on Monday and everyone wants some of my money and I'm down to two nickles I rub together to keep myself warm with. I wish I was a blonde bimbo (no offense ladies), but then I could go dance at the local topless clubs to get some quick money. Program during the day and lap dance at night for an extra couple of hundred. I guess if I'm going to dream, why don't I dream about winning the powerball lottery? I suppose it would have helped if I played.

This afternoon I'm in a quagmire with everything that is going on. Everyone wants answers to questions I have no idea how to handle. Makes me want to curl up into a ball and goto sleep. Maybe the world will pass me by, but it isn't likely. At first they call, then send letters, then a big Lexus pulls up and a man in a nice suit makes you sign papers so you can go to the court system and tell them how poor you were because no one else listened. The frustrating thing about all this is I have a good job, I really don't splurge on things, but it is all because of this year. 2002 the death of me. Write that on your blog and make it stick!

I don't expect anyone to come to my rescue. Why should they? I've spent the last six months with someone who only knows how to take and she is trying to squeeze even more out of me. And it goes WAY...WAY (did you hear?) beyond $$$, she took my freedom and independance so she can do whatever she wants. I did something stupid Sunday, but I was at a breaking point. No I didn't hit her or anything that stupid, but there wasn't much common sense left in me at the time. Why did I do it? Because I was tired of trying to explain to her how I felt neglected. So I fled. If my car worked, I'd probably still be fleeing, but I can't. Want to hear something selfish? Beyond what you've already read? I feel I'm being punished for her lethargic lifestyle. She doesn't work. She complains. She sits on her ass and watches TV all day. While I worked, did laundry, made sure everyone had the things they needed and yet when it is all said and done. I'm the bad guy because I did care about her so much that I got to a breaking point when I found our she wanted to marry her EX to keep him in the country. This my friends was three weeks ago, before any talk of moving out. How do I know this? Because her best friend told me. I have not brought this up to her, because I was told in confidence, but I'm tired of hearing how hurt she was about how I left just before Christmas. It was a shitty thing to do, but this tidbit of information pushed me over the edge. I only wanted out before I got hurt. I was a paycheck, a roommate, there was no investment in my soul, only my bank account. That is why she doesn't want him deported, not that she loves him, but he won't be able to pay child support if he leaves the country. And she might have to *gasp* work!

She has this strange power over me and she knows it. She guilts me into things and I'm not even sure she knows she is doing it. Or she does and is damn crafty and evil. But I am Satan's minion, ready to do his bidding don't you know. I have responsabilities. I made decisions....I have forever to dispair...

me