I've never been close to my family. In my youth, it seemd quite together and I remember many family functions, holidays and such where many of the tribe would get together. I can't point to specific points in my history to determine where it broke down, but there are a few instances where I know it deterated to the point where I no longer function with either side of my family. Be that as it may, I live isolated from my mom and father. To be honest both of them are nut jobs and I'd rather not try to sort things out because I'm afraid of what that will lead too. My father doesn't give a shit and my mom is the typical white trash trailer living woman who now probably can't stand up for two minutes without having to take a break from the strenous exercise she has exerted.

All this leads up to a weird dream I had last night. I don't normally dream. Sometimes I 'make-up' scenes and play them like movies, but I direct them as much as visualize them. Anyways, for some reason my previous best friend, "Tom" was visiting me. He came with someone, but it wasn't my ex-wife. Before we began a round of golf, we gathered along a large table and we spoke about people we has missed. Everyone knew my grandfather and I stood up and gave my account of what his life was like to me. I touched on a couple of points, but I was in a hurry to go. Tom (who hates sports) glared at me as we shuffled off to the cars to head to the course. For some reason, I doubled back and began to speak about my Nana. Although she wasn't related to me by blood, we developed a keen relationship and she treated me as her own. I broke down and cried.

Tom snubbed me (as he is doing now in RL) for the rest of the time. I find myself often wondering about him. Then the alarm woke me up.

I know it has to do with closure and all that psycho-babel b.s., but I don't understand why Tom was involved. I do miss him a ton. There are few people in your life that you bond with so well it makes your soul ache when they are not around. I guess I ache a bit, but in the past few years that feeling has become quite commonplace inside me. I have tried to mend the bridge, but he has written me off. I don't blame him. I only miss him.

cya laterz