Hot English Tea anyone?

Life has tasted like a used tea bag dunked in lukewarm water. It hasn't been all that bad, but then again, life hasn't offered me anything new and unusual.

Have you ever mentally mapped out your life by your decisions and actions. I'm not talking about using Google maps. If I would have done this or had handled that situation better, I would not be where I am today. Where is a relative term, it could mean location, but I really mean your emotional state. Hell it could even be spiritual. Pun intended!

I seem to battle with all three aspects of my being. I've come to realize how I fear rejection. I have one or two reactions. The desire to have someone/thing is so overwhelming I chase it away or I realize it can't be mine so I hide within myself. I've always been an all or nothing sort of guy. The problem with my approach is I find most times I end up with nothing.

Over my life I have found that I have let things slip through my fingers because of my absence, not because of my aggression. ("It's better to burn out then fade away.") I feel defeated when things don't go my way. Any form of rejection slides me into a reclusive attitude. This is not good when dealing with relationships.

Women don't want a man who crackles under pressure. Melancholy is not a sexy attribute. Do I become introverted because how she is treating me or is she treating me because I crawl into my own head? Probably a bit of both, since nothing is always black and white. But my reactions helps propel this circular cycle. It then becomes where I must become mentally tough and rise above these things and realize that rejection (a broad term of how I feel I'm being treated) and continue to treat women with a sense of passion and confidence I display when I first met them.

Maybe a slower start would help make it last longer. (No not sex you perverts!) Pace myself through the relationship so that I've not extinguished my fervor. But keep the fire burning at an easier temperature so that we both feel warm and fuzzy inside.

All in all, I think I need to do a better job of paying attention to her rather than myself. If I do a better job of that, then I will reap the benefits I want. It really does become that simple, the hard part is putting yourself aside and trying to reach into that pretty heart of theirs and sensing what will really make them happy.

Laugh a lot more!

cya laterz
moi