Monday and I have the beginning week blahs if I've had them. This weekend has been a cornucopia of disillusioned thoughts and issues that have not only run through my life, but through my head as well. It has been awhile since I felt so alone, but not in the sense of having people nearby, but alone with my own thoughts without anyone to share them with. I think it has been a very long time since I've had that person in my life in which I have felt the comfort to expose my weaknessses. I'm so worried about showing my strengths that I overlook and hide the parts of my being I need work on. And as human as I was last night I wanted someone to hold me so bad last night. Then I feel weak. Weak in the sense that I cannot be alone with my own thoughts and problems to shift them out by myself to conquer the adversities without confiding in someone that I cannot do it alone. And I'm afraid no one wants to hear those things uttered from my lips.

I'm a putz.

Rachel (my ex-wife) wants to take Bekah to Nevada in June. At first I didn't mind, but now I'm rethinking my position. I don't want my daughter so far away. Another decision I have to make...*sigh* I want to go home. Too bad I don't know where it is.

Enough whining for today...

me