Interuption in plans last night, but I've gotten in a lot of exercise this week. I guess I'm making up for all the lost time during the holidays. My legs are a bit stiff and sore, us old people have to be more careful as we advance into the late thirties. I really need to stretch more, but I'm too impatient. Imagine that! Tommy will have practice until late so I'll work double time on what I missed yesterday.

Funny thing last night, I came home showered, turned on a soothing cd and curled up with my book. A now normal occurance, but in the past six months it was never a reality. I realized how much I missed it, but what trigger in my mind is if I ever do find someone in the future would these types of pleasures be avoided again? Being respectful of someone elses space and territory and I'm sure *she* (the who ever in my future) won't want to have to struggle with the light on, music humming in the background and me reaching over and touching her. Yes that would have to be part of the deal, a little human contact while I feed on my indulges (is there a plural for this word?). Nothing sexual, a rub of the back, a touch of her hair to remind myself she is there. Would someone accept that from me and how do you propose something like that or is it unspoken until it becomes a trend or habit that both come to expect? See how selfish I am. Would I be able to respect the same wishes for her? I think so. You'd be amazed how much shit I can put up with and if she even responded with a smile I'd put up with it until the end of time. That is why my friends I am going to treat all relationships with kid gloves. Patience he says with a sly grin.

In might not seem like it with some of the goofy decisions I have made, but I am learning something about all this. I tie my shoelaces together before I jump these days. I know I've done the hopping, but let me assure you that I'm through with it. Take a nice deep breath and let it flow nice and slow. Let it become as natural as belching...okay maybe not that natural or ugly, but you know what I mean. I've realized that a relationship that is going to last needs to simmer like a good sauce so all herbs (I don't know anyone named herb) and spices can blend together to make it taste exquisite. I think I make a good speghetti sauce myself. At least these are my goals for it all. Nice, slow, steady and easy. If it happens, well fate, the gods, God or however the breeze seems to blow in that time of my life will tell me if I should delve deeper into something. Right now I'm happy writing, living and exhorting my son onto a better life.

me