Wreckless driving...

For some reason, I went to my yahoo mailing address and I noticed I had joined many groups that I should not be joined too. No, it wasn't some computer virus that signed me up for them, but I willingly pushed the buttons to say, 'Yes I'll be a part of this.' I don't even remember when I did join them, but its all over now. Then I started to poke around some other groups. I don't know if they were wholesome and good for me, but much better than the previous ones.

Oh look creative writing. I wonder what goes on here. Oh hey, I could read other struggling writers and see how I compare. Maybe it might even inspire me to post. Or write. The horror of it all. (no pun about Holloween!) Lo and behold it has become truth. I posted something I wrote a few years ago, not really a story, but a scene I thought about. Most people 'liked it', but there was some major things missing (plot). I knew it wouldn't be golden, but it holds promise.

So I began to rewrite it. The characters had already been described. I knew what they were like, now I had to wrap it within a premise of a plot. Where something happens to them. And the funny thing is, I'm enjoying it.

Why? Because I got it in my thick skull that I need to do it for me. It used to be to impress someone, to make her think more about me and while that was the greatest feeling I ever had. It was all for naught. Now I do it because I have fun with it and the hell with everyone else. You either like it or don't. Of course I want people to like it, but I have to write it for myself and let those who read it decide and not put my hopes and aspirations into the judgement of those I am close too. Because no matter who that is, they are going to let you down in this area. SO you have to find a way to create something because YOU(me) wants too.

It seems simple and I've known this for many years. But it's like shifting a car from second gear to third and the stick won't quite catch into third. You can hear the grinding of the gears, the car loses power and you have to speed it back up again. Each time you do, your patience wears thin and you begin to think that this car will never get into gear. And its clear that you can't be satisified with second, but what's the point of trying for third. Then when you react and don't think about it, the stick slides into gear and you begin to go faster. You realize what you did, but you're not sure how it happened. Now its time to enjoy the ride.

cya laterz