New Years Resolution

Writing...Why does it seem to have a stopping point for me? I think I have a mental breakdown when it comes to finishing a project. Maybe it is my nature to avoid finishing something. Sometimes at work I can't produce until there is a bunch of pressure to get it done and then I work my ass off. When I don't feel pressure I submerge myself with time wasting functions. Why don't I focus on the things that would be more productive to me? There's so much I'd rather do, yet I shove it off to the side so my time is wasted by innane activities that don't get me where I want to go. *sigh*

This next year I'm going to strive to become more productive in my hobbies. (Video game playing is not a hobby!) Of course this means putting more time into my story-telling and other creative pursuits. I'm going to have to make a schedule and stick to it. I'll still leave myself room to indulge in some othe things I enjoy, but I'd rather force myself to enjoy why I came to this planet. I know some people think I came to consume mass quantities of food, air and other renewable resources, but in fact I want to leave something behind rather than my children. You never know how they might turn out. Heh.

Okay then. I'm gonna do it. Who is with me on this? Bah, you guys don't care. As you are reading this I'm standing next to you. (The magic of writing - time travel) I peer over your shoulder (trying hard not to look down your shirt (if you are female) and I whisper in your ear. Yes I am going to do this dammit. I want to do this. And the only person who has been stopping me has been me. So as you shake your head, sigh and then mutter, "Haven't I heard this before?" Well maybe you have, but this time I'm gonna do it.

One day, I'm going to be on Leno talking about my writing projects....I've seen it. And you'll all be saying, remember when blogging was the fad on the 'net? I used to read his....I didn't think he'd make it, but he did....(insert your own followup comments in your head).

Or maybe I'll write for Penthouse Forums....I wonder what they pay these days.....

Have a great New Year's Eve and have a wonderful year. I think I might get a bit drunk tonight... Don't writers make great drunks...or is it great writing requires drinking???

cya laterz

Last night I walked into Best Buy. In my defense I was not looking for it, but like the star in the east it appeared. The xbox360 appeared in a customer's arms as they left the store. I approached the pimple faced kid in the game section and I asked, "Please sir, may I have another?" Why yes Bob, you've been a pretty good boy (I think he over looked the porn) this year, I have one left. Would you like it?"

If you don't know, Xbox 360's are the bawm this year. If you check Ebay out you can see they can go for a pretty penny. Our BestBuy store received 6 yesterday. I shivered with delight and not thinking about how I might afford such an expensive gift I nodded because I couldn't speak. The clerk spun me around to the games, oh which ones should I get as I drooled about how the games would look on my 60" HD TV. I about cried when he extended it forward and it was placed in my own arms. I hpe I have time for other things now.

Check out Flock. It will be a new browser here soon with some really neat features.

Also check out this site Delicious For real web surfing power. I don't have an account there yet, but I plan too.

cya laterz

Christmas...

Its about that time of year again I suppose. Over the past few years it takes a lot more to get into the spirit of the season. I'm not sure if it is because people expect me to buy them gifts or that I wait until the last possible moments to start buying the gifts. Most of it all seems pretty assine to me. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy getting loved ones things they want, but can't afford to get for themselves. The problem is that I want to be creative and original and get that perfect gift. When you ask them what they want so you can have clue about what they are thinking about you get the standard response, "I don't know."

Exasperated you delve deeper into the conversation. "I suppose I could always use a new pair of shoes." Shoes? Oh my goodness! I can't wait to see their face when they open that shoebox up and find out that yes Virgina it is a pair of shoes. Joy to the world and all that jazz. I'll sit back and feel smug that I was able to choose the one thing they told me they wanted.

The art of gift giving is more than that I believe. Sure you can take a list of things they want, mark them off as you buy them as watch as they glee over each item they asked for, but where is the sanity in that? Why not give them x amount of dollars and let them buy it themselves? It takes more than that for me to get in the mood of buying gifts, but even then I fail at my own spirit of gift giving espicially when I'm low on time. To me its finding out what thing(s) a person is into and then finding gifts that really compliment them and yet things they may not be able to find themselves or realize is available to them. If you love the person, I think it is worth the time and trouble to find those perfect gifts...

Two quick side notes. One I'm working on a new format for my twizzlesticks site so I can dynamically load the pages into the book so it is faster to add content, but I'm not sure when I'm going to have that done. Secondly, I've actually started a new story, I hope I will have enough effort to complete it.

cya laterz

I've never been close to my family. In my youth, it seemd quite together and I remember many family functions, holidays and such where many of the tribe would get together. I can't point to specific points in my history to determine where it broke down, but there are a few instances where I know it deterated to the point where I no longer function with either side of my family. Be that as it may, I live isolated from my mom and father. To be honest both of them are nut jobs and I'd rather not try to sort things out because I'm afraid of what that will lead too. My father doesn't give a shit and my mom is the typical white trash trailer living woman who now probably can't stand up for two minutes without having to take a break from the strenous exercise she has exerted.

All this leads up to a weird dream I had last night. I don't normally dream. Sometimes I 'make-up' scenes and play them like movies, but I direct them as much as visualize them. Anyways, for some reason my previous best friend, "Tom" was visiting me. He came with someone, but it wasn't my ex-wife. Before we began a round of golf, we gathered along a large table and we spoke about people we has missed. Everyone knew my grandfather and I stood up and gave my account of what his life was like to me. I touched on a couple of points, but I was in a hurry to go. Tom (who hates sports) glared at me as we shuffled off to the cars to head to the course. For some reason, I doubled back and began to speak about my Nana. Although she wasn't related to me by blood, we developed a keen relationship and she treated me as her own. I broke down and cried.

Tom snubbed me (as he is doing now in RL) for the rest of the time. I find myself often wondering about him. Then the alarm woke me up.

I know it has to do with closure and all that psycho-babel b.s., but I don't understand why Tom was involved. I do miss him a ton. There are few people in your life that you bond with so well it makes your soul ache when they are not around. I guess I ache a bit, but in the past few years that feeling has become quite commonplace inside me. I have tried to mend the bridge, but he has written me off. I don't blame him. I only miss him.

cya laterz

Some day when I grow up I wanna be a ....

During my twenties that became my theme phrase. Over time I gravitated to computers and programming, which I've taught myself ninety percent. I've made a decent living over the past decade or so and now with my business I can really see the potential. Of course I also see how I can be downgraded and out of business as well.

But the edge I've been walking has really nothing about how I'm suppose to make money to feed my dependants. (I love the buggers!) It is that vibe I've been feeling all my life. It isn't about me deciding what I want to be, but rather acting upon my instincts and saying to hell with it. I'm gonna do what I wanna do, I want to create something. I've often been steered (moo?) towards writing. Something I really enjoy since I can't draw shit. (Turds are very messy and I just can't capture their essence.)

I wonder if I have a voice for podcasting? I wonder if I could come up with material on a weekly basis for a consistant podcast. I'd think about doing video, but I'd have to direct something since I'd scare viewers away I'm sure. (ooo pron!) The point is, would doing a podcast be something I would enjoy? I dunno. Back in the day when I'd try to woo women, I'd make tapes. Cutting songs, sound bites and such together to get a 'feeling' across to whoever I was aiming it towards. (See the movie High Fidelity) I thought I was pretty good at it. But most important, I had fun.

My last effort flopped. Not because of quality, but because of delivery. I created a three part opera with humor, romance and spice. Something you'd probably only want to hear once, giggle and then be on with life unless it was directed to you. Other than a few people in the inner circle, I don't think there would be much call for something like that. So I'm left to wonder what I would do...

Then the idea struck me. One of my many problems is the inability to make a decision of what I want to create. Even when I'm writing, most of my problems come from trying to be absolute genius when I can't be. I know it might be disappointing to hear from some, but I can't compete with my inner self. The is idea is to turn off this internal editor and have fun. With everything. Writing, splicing, playing or whatever I'm trying to do so that I can be creative and have fun with it. Then expose to the world and say, "Fuck you. I did this and you'll either like it, hate it or don't give a shit." And dear reader, it is up to me to be fine with however it is received. As long as I'm content on what I produced was fun. The point being is that I need to be able to appriciate what I can do.

I think that is why artists often have large eogs. They stick themselves out there and don't allow anyone to deflate them. Even when something goes wrong, it is their ability to pick themselves up and try again. Those that can't fade away into the distant memories of one-hit wonders.

Now....how can I cause trouble.

seeya laterz

Hell week

Yep that is what it has been. Monday limped in like a lamb, but since I knew I had to travel, this week had its own dangerous curves ahead. It didn't help that I awoke at 3am on Tuesday morning running into the bathroom. By the time the alarm was supposed to sound, I found myself looking at myself in the mirror. Do I call the company and reschedule or suck it up and wade through the day feeling as I do? The face in the mirror only wanted to go back to bed. A small man in his stomach flipped over and over on the trapeze. The glimmer of water in the toliet caught his attention. Maybe if I forced a purge all would be better and the annoying man inside would fly out and leave my stomach alone. Should I shove a finger to the back of my throat? Would I feel better if I did so? The answers to these questions are not blowing in the wind my friend, but surged upwards without any finger probbing to the back of my throat.

With a grunt and a heave, a gush of stale dew and other chunks of partially digested food flew threw my mouth and nose. Not once or twice, but three times as I hung onto the edges of the white bowl that had earlier served as my thrown for almost two hours. Horrible. Now fluid squirted out of both orafices of my body. With nothing else left in my system, I staggered back to the sink and doused my face with clean water. I cleaned myself up, brushed my teeth a few times and considered myself feeling better.

I'll spare more of the gorey details of the next couple of days, but let me say they let me go to the hotel early on Tuesday. It is now Thursday afternoon, I'm back home and I'm still feeling green around the edges. I have wierd pains where I shouldn't and every once in a while I become light headed and don't want to even think of the consquences if it were to continue.

Work is piling up as companies are gearing for the end of the year. November was busy in a non-payment sort of way while December through Feb is looking thrice as busy and I'll be able to invoice people for it as well. The worst time to be sick.

Today I was able to accomplish some things, but in reality I didn't want to be here. For the sake of my sanity, I'm really hoping I feel better so I can be less stressful about the holidays and get ahead with work.

Otherwise...I'm me being me. How about you?

outta here

Thanksgiving is only overshadowed by Black Friday. Funny how the USA terms the busiest shopping day after an event that lead to one of the darkest periods in our nation's history. But oh well what are you going to do? Well I stayed in and worked on my new writing website. I revamped how I'm displaying my poetry and stories. It isn't finished yet, but check it out here: Bob's poetry and short stories.

I thikn it will be pretty cool when I am completely finished. I'm also hoping by going over some of my own stuff it will inspire me to continue a story or create a new one. I've probably spent way too much time on this little project as it is, but it has taught me some valuable things for work so it has had its benefits.

I need a shower....raises his eyes up...I wonder...nah nevermind (snickers at his own nasty thoughts...)

outta here

Ever wonder during your existence in this world if you are the main character or a sub-character? Am I supposed to have an important role in all of this or am I destined to be the comical relief and serve the other performers of the play so they give a better performance? I think I'm stuck in between these two and I have a hard time breaking out. Or maybe I don't know what the hell I'm talking about and I should shut up. Yeah. Damn now I'm wondering if I'm an extra. Doh.

outta here

On-line Poker.

Yep. I took the plunge. Wil Wheaton hosts a weekly online poker tournament. The main one is on Friday nights, but I entered into the the Thursday Texas hold 'em warmup action. There were 70 or so people signed up. Its only a $10 buy in so it isn't like I'm selling the family farm to pay my gambling debts.

Anyways, I waited until 9:30 my time and *ding* the action begins. I win 3 hands, but loose a slightly bigger hand. Then about ten minutes later I have an Ace/9 dealt to me. On the flop a Jack, Queen and another card (like a 6 or something) turns up. The bets are small and I stay in. I probably shouldn't have, but with the Ace in my hand I figure someone has to have a pair to beat me and the bet was reasonable enough for me to stay in. On the turn an Ace turns over, the player to my right (Guniess) makes a sizeable bet. With the queen/jack showing I figure I have a pretty good chance of winning or spliting the pot if he has an Ace as well so I call. The rest of the table folds.

On the river, the last of the five over turned cards, another Ace appears. I have three aces now. Guniess is first to bet and makes a large bet. Instead of thinking why he would come out with such a bet, I still figure I have three aces and queen jack. He'd only beat me if he had two aces or ace/king. Before I thought about it, I hit the call button and all of a sudden I'm all in. Damn.

The computer shows me his hand, Ace/Queen he has a full house. It beats my three aces. I finish 63rd out of 70 people. I went with having the most money on the table to out. But it was fun. I also learned quite a bit. I think I'll try playing next week again, but be a bit more cautious with my play. I know I'm an aggressive player, but think a bit before I more.

On a side note, I'm working on revamping my writing site. the www.twizzlesticks.50megs.com site has been up for a long time. I have some neat ideas for it and will announce it here as well as sending an email out to all of those who have previously viewed it. I'll even try to add some new content. Egads! That means I might have to write something....

ciao baby

Wednesday's are my day off from the gym. My legs need it otherwise by the weekend I can't walk. Today I'm being hip and writing my blog at an Altanta Bread Co. which provides free wire-less internet connection. So amongst all the office people I'm sitting here pretending to be geekie, but in reality I'm typing away on my 'puter. The food isn't too bad either, although I wish they had a smaller size of soup.

If you haven't noticed, I've been posting more. I'm not sure why really, but it makes me think of writing a bunch more. I guess on the grand scheme of things its good. It means I'm writing something which is what I want to eventually do. Secondly, I'm able to express some things that I've been stewing inside my guts for the past few months.

Why I fail.

I believe I understand why I fail in my private life. I don't fail in my professional life because it is a different world. For the most part, all I have to do is communicate with the computer. The personal relationships I make in the business world is that, business. I do my job rather well and people respect that of me.

Personnally I believe I'm too impatient. I jump at the chance to make something work. I want it and I want it now. I don't allow things to develop or realize it isn't time yet. In all aspects of my life. Instead of running marathon's I'm running wind sprints with people. I usually exhaust them before the chance of anything real can take hold. Or at least that is what I think I do, its been so long I don't remember, heh. This application of impatience can take on many forms, but even when I'm alone I'm in a hurry to have someone. This solves nothing as I'm looking for the next soul to lean on whether or not I should be looking for it. Sometimes as I have realized it is good to be alone so you can get your thoughts in order so that when you do meet someone you are ready for it.

Being ready may not always mean financially ready. For the most part it is emotional. This question of readiness is about allowing that person to be themselves. You are as comfortable with them as you are without them. Of course as the relationship builds, the bonds grow and the spirit of wanting them more apart of your life increases, but because you are secure with yourself there is no hurry. It is pleasant for them to be in your life.

What really messes me up is sex. As any typical guy, I think about it WAY too much. My alarm remains silent and yet I'm wishing someone next to me would roll over and begin something. Realize in my dreams, morning breath and pillow hair are not part of the equation. Heh. I write about it, I watch it and I think about it. I want that body near me, next to me and I want to carass, kiss and stimulate a passion and an emotion from someone. Then I'm impatient. I want that feeling of knowing I can exact a response from a woman. The tender sigh of pleasure. The voice that flirts with me, begging me to write them something, something personal and hot. I feed upon it. And I feel dangerous and unstoppable when I know I've written something so juicy that gets them wet when they read it. I want to devour someone and I want them to feed upon me.

gotta run

The perfect evening...

(or at least one of many)

On a cold winter's night, we decide to have a beach party in our bedroom. A picnic basket full of cut fruit, cheese and a bottle of wine (or other favorite drinks) is packed while we turn the heat up in the house. While you get dressed in your swimsuit, I take the time in the bedroom to light various scented candles that would remind us of the beach. I even play a cd with that repeats the sounds of the seashore. You can begin to hear the waves crashing and seagulls crying when you step out of the bathroom.

On the bed, I've spread out a blanket and laid out the food. Its now my turn to run and change my clothes. Meanwhile, you've taken the suntan lotion out, spread a bit on your legs and arms so the scent of the cocoa butter is now in the air.

I come back and find you wearing your sunglasses. I giggle a bit and commend you on your improvisational skills. We settle down next to each other as I pour the drinks into the clear plastic glasses while you dish us up some slices of fruit and bits of meat and cheese onto paper plates. I feel your body relax as you merge into my chest, soaking the image we created in the bedroom. I take a grape from your plate and hold it to your mouth while you nibble it out of my hand. Your lips touch the tips of my fingers as I let out a submissive sigh. I reach down and grab an orange peel and continue to feed you. Some of the juice trickles down your chin and I gather it up with my finger. I'm about to bring it up to my own mouth when you grasp my hand to stop me. In slow motion, you bring it back to your mouth and suck on my finger with a little bite at the end. I'm about ready to throw everything off the bed and attack you, but I also want to savor the mood we've created.

I find another slice of orange and as I'm bringing it to place it in your mouth I squeeze a few drops of citrus nectar on your chest. You smile as you open wide and let me insert the orange slice into your mouth. I lean over and lap the few drops off your skin up towards your neck, but I rise up and kiss your lips. We end the kiss with a slight smack and our tongues brushing each other as we taste the acidic juice off each other.

Sooner or later my taste buds would have the need to taste the sweetest fruit in the world. Even though we would only be beginning, I would delve my tongue on your clit until waves of your juices trickled down my chin where I would use my own finger to catch them.

My dear it would only end up perfect if I made love to you where we would feel the waves crash over us and drowned in the desires of each other's hearts. Only to be outdone the next night in another encounter with your beautiful soul.

Scott Adams:

ID vs ToE
*ding*
Let the argueing begin! You read it. I'll reserve my thoughts so that I don't get flamed! LOL.

I've been trying to finish our latest website project. Almost all of our sites have been done in flash, but this one has a database back end where users can order via Paypal a guitar from his site. And the actionscript has been kicking my butt. Not because it is so difficult, hell I can program about any language in my sleep. The problem is that you need to be aware of the 'movie' while the script is trying to run. Another issue is that expect a function to be included, but then you realize you have to write it yourself. I guess it is all the little nuiances in learning it. We'll have the site done today or tomorrow, then I'm going to 'fix' it since I'm not happy with the response time from the database.

In other news, its all quite on the northern front. It is supposed to snow tonight. *sigh* I'm not looking forward to this winter. It might be my "Winter of discontent." I make it sound like I'm baracaded in my house with a standing army waiting to starve me out. In an earlier post I stated how unhappy I was and I'm not sure if that was the best way to describe it. The words written around the statement are as true as I could make them.

I'm directionally challanged. My business seems to have growth and relapses, but I'm not sure how to handle it any better than I'm doing. Personally I know I'm swimming in a sea of self-doubt. Not that I don't have confidence or the ability to meet a woman that would make me happy, but what should she be like? When you find that perfect one and she moves on without you are you supposed to measure everyone else up to those standards? I doubt it. It wouldn't be fair to those that you meet nor to the woman that once was. So I understand I need to find something new about these women who enter my life and judge them on an individual basis. But are they going to 'get' me? Hell do I get what I'm all about? That's probably my problem I'm more worried about how people will respond to me instead of figuring out what I'm supposed to be focusing on and letting the chips fall where they may.

Last night I had a social event. The Chamber of Commerce in the area put on a meet and greet gathering for the local members. Jenny and I showed up a bit after 5 and felt a bit overwhelmed by all the people there. Food, drinks and chatting were all free. We met someone from the Chamber who was kind enough to start introducing us to some of the other members. Our first introduction was to a representative of CellCom a local cell phone company. We pressed hands, explained who we were and what we did. He mentioned a deal only for Chamber members with his company and the lady escorting us went bonkers with telling us what a great deal he offered. I felt like I was in a daze, people swirled around us, the aroma of food from the table beside us and the call of free booze descended over the crowd noise. Then we locked into that lull with our new cellphone friend where neither of us knew what to say. Our escort became distracted by other people and I managed to stick my hand out and say, "Pleased to meet you."

We stood in the middle of the room like a snowflake lost in a blizzard. I suggested we go get something to drink. At least it was something to do. She got a diet coke and I took some spritzer that I knew I wouldn't enjoy drinking, but it made me feel important. We turned back towards the throng of people and had no clue where to start. For the entire night I knew it was my duty to press my hands into these people and tell them about my business, but seeing everyone in their unique clusters of people didn't give me cause to interrupt them. Like lions on the hunt, we waited until one of the herd became separated and pounced upon them.

The night progressed and we met a dozen or more people in various types of businesses. We did manage to get a lead or two for website designs. I told Jen that this was like going to church. The first time or two people eye us as outsiders wondering if we are going to continue to come around. And as we feel more comfortable in these settings I think we will be approached as well as find an ease to greet others we haven't met yet. Patience.

I haven't finished my story yet. Its sitting on my desk, half written in some old notebook. The pattern has become complete with this and I fear it will continue to sit there and then be forgotten.

outta here

I wrote this bit tonight...Do you sense a pattern?
---------------------
Chilly air trickled in from the small opening of my window. It tickled my nose and I grabbed the blankets and pulled them up to my chin. I closed my eyes and imagined you lying next to me.

In your slumber a smile had crept upon your lips. Taking care not to wake you, I turned towards you. Temptaton stired and I desired to touch every part of your body, but I composed myself. Your perfume from the day before aroused every sensual muscle that had yet to waken. Closer I leaned until I noticed your nipples pressed against your red satin nightgown. I resisted the temptation to draw a light circle around them to see if they would grow further. While I drank in your body, inside my mind I heard your laugh, your pleasant sigh and the way you said my name. Your smile grew as I realized you did speak my name. Your hand reached up and held the side of my face while I melted up against your warm body. That was how I wanted to wake up.
------------------

Yesterday I started the short story for the contest. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to finish it in time. It isn't something I usually write, but at least it is something, huh?

I had a terrible weekend. I'd rather be anywhere but here kind of weekend. With winter coming it doesn't help. I can't think of any place to go anyways, so I realize as usual I'm stuck. That probably sucks the worst of it all. For most of my life, I had often wondered what I wanted to be when I grew up. But in the long run the question has always been, what will make me happy. And after all this time and searching I only found a glimpse of it once and I pissed it away. Now all this time I've felt lost going from day to day hoping for the spark of the unusal to grab my attention. I used to be happy. I think I've forgotten how that even feels let alone how to attempt to be in that state of mind. Maybe it has passed me by and I'm looking downhill to the end of my life without hope. Probably not, but sometimes it really feels like that.

outta here for now

Will Wheaton has a nifty blog. Even though the popularity is astounding I wonder if it becomes an issue of 'having' to post. Heh. What the hell would I do if I 'had' to post something everyday? I suppose I'd do it, but with so many things going on I'd end up forgetting and well it would end up like this site? Six months would drift by and then, "BAM!" Hey Bob got a wild hair up his lily white ass and posted something. And yes folks it is lily white.

It is day two of the write a short story contest and guess how many words I've gotten down on paper? I'll give you a hint. The contest expects about a five thousand word story. For those with poor math skills, that would be a thousand words a day. To take a step further, I'm supposed to have two thousand words completed by the time I go to bed. Maybe I should be doing something about it.....

I'm growing a goatee again. Not sure if I look better or not, but I suppose with the colder months on their way it will keep my chinny chin chin warmer. It's at the first week stage where it feels wierd. Enough length to play with, but not enough to be comfortable. It would help if my facial hair grew a little faster. Soon I'll be complaining that its growing too fast.

I solved a major web database issue today. We are working on a site that will read a database and dynamically place pics and text into a flash file. I think this is going to work great. Jennifer(my graphic assistant) is quite amazing with design. She does a pretty good job with art as well, but her real talent is making things look good. I've come to learn that I need to stop inputing my ideas (when I get going, its hard to stop) and let her do what she does best and she's darn good at it.

checking out now...

I gonna do it. This short story contest. Dunno what I'm going to write. Don't even have a clue, but maybe it will get me to write again. I mean seriously write. Or at least for a week or so. Wizards, war, witches, or wildsex? What should be my topic/plot? I dunno. Since I got the wild hair up my ass about five minutes ago I suppose ome thought would be in order.

Otherwise things aer pretty drab around here. Not enough sex, not enough money and to add to the cliche' not enough beer(video games). Not like I drink beer that much, but I have to appear normal even if I'm not. If not, I could be sent to a geek rehab hospital. "Hello my name is Bob and I'm a geek."

A small echo of response from the other geeks, "Hello Bob."
I'm not just a member, I'm the president!


Okay so I'm probably not that much of a geek. I do occasionally talk to a member of the opposite sex. There are times when I travel outside. I play basketball at noon. And many other non-geekie things. But I'm not a stud. I wonder what life would have been like if I was a stud. You know. A man's man. Lets say I worked on cars, fixed up the house, and had a few beers at the local pub every Friday night with 'the guys". Made sure I was main streamed, didn't get hyper over 'Lord of the Rings', Far Side comics and didn't read a book a week or so. Hell I don't even know what a typical guy really thinks and is. I mean I think about sex all the time so I guess that would be part of it, but what would happen if I didn't have the geekie stuff in my life? I know I'd probably drink a lot more and it would have to be a particular brand of beer. Would I smoke? I dobut that... Now how the hell did I get here when I started off about a silly writing contest that don't mean a hill of beans to many people?

Until next time...

Flesh. Warm, silky, and long legs underneath the covers. When I wake up in the morning all I want to do is roll over, place my hand above her knee and trail my palm up the back of her thigh until I reach her ass. Then she would stir, but my hand would find its way to her stomach, my fingers might tease her belly button and the tickle sensation would back her body into mine. We'd lay in bed snuggled in our blankets, the crisp autumn air struggling to get in, but our place is next to each other. I hear her purr as my hand gently travels up over her ribs and touches the tips of her nipples. They spring to life as I then cup her breast in my hand. Then my hand returns back down, retracing her body with a gentle massage waking her up to the new day.

Sometimes we would make love. Usually not with a lot of foreplay, but with the sensation of being inside, close and together. Becoming one before the day starts. The world is brutal enough without the impact of feeling your woman has faith in you. Starting the day alone sacrifices humanity.

It's beyond sex. The closeness of a body so fine and sexy in your grasp. All you can do is think about pleasing that person and making her delight in your presence.

I guess I have to realize that pleasuring a woman goes beyond the physical, but emotional and mental. I wish I knew how to do that. I think I've forgotten (or really never knew) how to connect with someone on all three levels. I need to control my patience and learn how to listen better without trying to interject my opinions. Maybe then, I'll find someone soft and warm to wake up too next that will find delight in my touch.

Hey all...Thought I'd post here again. Wow..another post in almost two months. Stop him! He is writing WAY too much.

If you haven't seen the movie Serenity please do. It is a wonderful Sci-Fi movie and I think one of the best this year.

Oh well I'll try to write more laters...

cya

In recent days, I've had that spark to regain my former passion. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was that voice from the past that snuck up on me and planted the illusionary seeds into my brain.

My problem is I don't know where to begin. What should I write about? It isn't that I don't have the imagination to write something, but what do I want to 'say'. The horrid truth about good or great writing is that the story must say something when someone has finished reading it. I've often wrote many short stories, but in reality most of my best work has been done as scenes. This isn't a revalation to me, I've always known this and I believe it has been a major stumbling block to doing something that I would like to do.

Even here I'm writing this just so I can get in the practice of coming up with sentences again. It isn't taking a lot of thought, but it is constructing words together.

'What do I want to say." I need to find a truth that I can grind into a plot. At this point in time it doesn't matter what type of fiction it is as long as it is something I can believe in. The thread of life that will carry my story not in action, but in deed. This thread no matter how thin needs to be there so I feel whoever reads it will come away with a reason of why they wanted to read my book.

That's all I have to do....no problem there.