Wednesday's are my day off from the gym. My legs need it otherwise by the weekend I can't walk. Today I'm being hip and writing my blog at an Altanta Bread Co. which provides free wire-less internet connection. So amongst all the office people I'm sitting here pretending to be geekie, but in reality I'm typing away on my 'puter. The food isn't too bad either, although I wish they had a smaller size of soup.

If you haven't noticed, I've been posting more. I'm not sure why really, but it makes me think of writing a bunch more. I guess on the grand scheme of things its good. It means I'm writing something which is what I want to eventually do. Secondly, I'm able to express some things that I've been stewing inside my guts for the past few months.

Why I fail.

I believe I understand why I fail in my private life. I don't fail in my professional life because it is a different world. For the most part, all I have to do is communicate with the computer. The personal relationships I make in the business world is that, business. I do my job rather well and people respect that of me.

Personnally I believe I'm too impatient. I jump at the chance to make something work. I want it and I want it now. I don't allow things to develop or realize it isn't time yet. In all aspects of my life. Instead of running marathon's I'm running wind sprints with people. I usually exhaust them before the chance of anything real can take hold. Or at least that is what I think I do, its been so long I don't remember, heh. This application of impatience can take on many forms, but even when I'm alone I'm in a hurry to have someone. This solves nothing as I'm looking for the next soul to lean on whether or not I should be looking for it. Sometimes as I have realized it is good to be alone so you can get your thoughts in order so that when you do meet someone you are ready for it.

Being ready may not always mean financially ready. For the most part it is emotional. This question of readiness is about allowing that person to be themselves. You are as comfortable with them as you are without them. Of course as the relationship builds, the bonds grow and the spirit of wanting them more apart of your life increases, but because you are secure with yourself there is no hurry. It is pleasant for them to be in your life.

What really messes me up is sex. As any typical guy, I think about it WAY too much. My alarm remains silent and yet I'm wishing someone next to me would roll over and begin something. Realize in my dreams, morning breath and pillow hair are not part of the equation. Heh. I write about it, I watch it and I think about it. I want that body near me, next to me and I want to carass, kiss and stimulate a passion and an emotion from someone. Then I'm impatient. I want that feeling of knowing I can exact a response from a woman. The tender sigh of pleasure. The voice that flirts with me, begging me to write them something, something personal and hot. I feed upon it. And I feel dangerous and unstoppable when I know I've written something so juicy that gets them wet when they read it. I want to devour someone and I want them to feed upon me.

gotta run