Monday...

What an icky weekend. The x came up for the night Friday to see Tommy play in a basketball game. She missed most of his playing time, he got hit with two quick fouls and spent the rest of the time on the bench. Disappointed, he decided to work harder so when the next time presents itself he won't be so excited.

Oh yes the x. What a lump of pile she is. It hasn't been easy the last few years, I understand, but come on. She is moving Bekah away from me and she is moving away from Tommy. It is her decision. I stayed in Wisconsin for that very reason (I'd opt for a much warmer climate!) so I could be close to my kids. We are speaking about what will happen when she moves to Nevada. How much should I pay to get Bekah back and forth? Deep inside I'd pay anything so I can see my daughter, but is it fair to pay the x money so she can move my child away from me so I cannot have interaction with her? Should I move to Nevada? Ack, hell would be a much better place to reside. This is to better Bekah she says. No, she doesn't have to work as much, sit around the house and get fatter and pretend she is a great mom. Oh she loves the kids very much, but it is me who forces her to get the kids involved. It pisses me off then when she comes back to me and says I don't care because money doesn't flow out of my pocket in her general direction. She even took another month of child support for Tommy in January, (he has been living with me since November). And of course if I bring everything up about how she uses me, I'm bringing up past history. No. I only want fair so I don't feel like I'm getting roasted while she goes to Nevada with my daughter and I not only have to pay child-support, but find extra money to get her back and forth.

And then she lays this guilt trip on me. Bullshit. The line in the sand gets marked clearer each day and I'm not letting her cross it. And she is pissed. Again all I want is fair without disrupting Tommy's and Bekah's lives any further. That is why I didn't take the EA Sports job amongst a few other reasons.

Writing hasn't been going so well. I know I'm in limbo about the direction of my latest story. I'm not sure if it is good or not. At least that is my out for not writing. Tonight before I slumber I am going to pound at it some more even if I don't want too. I'm hoping something inside of me will prompt it to go better. I'm trying to keep it all inside me so it will explode out on the page during the first draft. The characters....I hope I can make the characters work.

me