The Life

I learned something last week about my writing over the past couple of weeks. Idea driven stories suck. I also realize I'm in too much of a hurry to get my work "seen" and I lose a lot of details when I do that.

For my next project I'm thinking I need to find someone who I can write about and write his or her story. Imagining a scene and then trying to introduce the characters leaves the plot and the emotion flat.

This brings me to my next topic, I usually know what is 'right' or 'wrong' with my stories when I post/give them to people to read. When I get honest feedback I rarely get a criticism or an atta boy that I didn't expect. It is my job then to pour over the items I already know are weak and fix them. Often I'm in such a hurry to be 'read' that I don't take the time to fix these and other minor things and the story falls flat before it really has a chance.

So I need to make the resolve of slowing down and dissecting each line in my post-edit mode. One thing I have often read is that I should let the story sit for a few weeks and then go back and reread/edit it. It become fresher and I'm not caught up in the emotion of writing it. I don't tend to do that because of my limited amount of work. The idea then is to get into a cycle of writing. Where I would write a short story, put it aside for a while and then start a new story. Maybe after I wrote the next story or two go back and edit the first one. Write another story then edit the second one and then polish the first one again. This process would accomplish tow things for me. Writing more and producing quality work when I do throw it to the wolves, er readers.

On a side note, thank God it is spring. We had a taste of it a couple of weeks ago, but then it turn cold and snowy. After a couple of weeks of miserable weather, the last few days have been beautiful.

cya laterz
me

Teleport, Inc.

Edited for content

Idea

In the next couple of days (depending on work), I'm going to write a short story and post it here. It won't revolve around sexual content. To be honest I'm not sure what it is about, I want to write something more than proposals and half-thought out journal entries.

I have a start to it so some of it is reality and not just talk. If you are interested, please keep an eye on the blog and I'll post as soon as I can.

In other news...

Tommy is back from the Army and in town. He looks quite fit and in control of himself. Although he has been militarized. He has a couple of tattoos on each of his arms. Nothing spectacular, but he likes them and they will cover with a short sleeve shirt so when he gets out he can get a job without scaring anyone. Heh.

He gets deployed in Fort Polk, LA at the end of his leave. He seems to be enjoying his time off without someone telling him what he is supposed to be doing every minute of the day.

Otherwise life is going on pretty good. I'm trying to spend as much time as I can with him, because there is a real possibility he will get sent to the Middle East soon. I think we might try to see Grind House tomorrow night. Not sure yet.

Cya laterz

Aftermath

Friday arrived and I was sweating. I still had work to do. I cashed a check and went to the Nail place to give them a colored envelope for her next clue. Then it was off to Red Lobster, the mall and to the men's department at JC Penny's. I figured I was pretty safe there in case she made a detour in the schedule.

Then I went and bought her bike. Yes it was a Trek. I still miss working there...a lot. Anyways by the time I caught up with her that evening she was a nervous wreck. It seems that the Nail place took two hours to do her hands and feet. It threw the schedule in a hectic spin. They pulled it out and we arrived in the parking lot where we had first kissed.

Dinner was excellent, we went to a Greek restaurant and then off to a wonderful hotel where I spent an hour decorating. She surprised me by wearing a silky nightgown underneath her dress. We had an excellent night and then when we woke up we continued to make love.

It was one of the most satisfying love-making sessions I've ever had with her. She is apprehensive about sex, like most women she's had some bad experiences and it has taught her to close me out at times. Saturday morning she started to pull that, don't do that. Please....Just go inside me. But I didn't let it happen. I placed a bit of warming lotion on her, breathed soft and it was like magic. Her legs parted as my tongue tasted the tip of her clit. Soon after she reached down and spread her lips for me so I could get better access. When she participates, sex with her is so awesome.

The day continued. We met her friends for lunch, went to the book store and then watched, "Blades of Glory." Heh. She isn't into that humor to much, but she had to admit there were some really funny scenes. Will Ferrel has come into his own as a leading man. It used to be when he'd be in a movie he'd be way over the top.

I've been wanting a iPod/MP3 player for a long time. I broke down and bought this.

I think I have over 4 gigs of music on it. I spent last night ripping CD's and copying MP3s onto it. My biggest problem is how I want to organize them as playlists. I'm sure I'll figure it out. Heh. Or maybe I'll just have one big play list that will never run out. Guess I'll have to buy more cds!!!

I have more things, but I'll wait. Need to run to the store.

cya
laterz

Birthday

Its her birthday. So I cooked up something fun and good for her.
She has no idea what to expect. I've written a couple of notes for her to read, but all they do is hint at how much fun she will have. Nothing. No one knows what is going on.

When she wakes up she will get ready for the day. On the table she will find an envelope. Her best friend will guide her through the day (with video camera). When she opens the letter she will find a note telling her where she is supposed to go. When she gets there, she will enjoy the 'package' and at its end, she will receive another colored envelope telling her where she should proceed to next.

1. Full Body Massage
2. Manicure and Pedicure
3. Red Lobster (she will share an appetizer with her friend).
4. Mall - At the service desk she will receive another card telling her to get something naughty and nice along with a gift card.
5. Ice Cream Parlor within mall (after 1.5 hours or so)
6. New Trek Bike (her big gift no hints)
7. Home to put on "Nice" clothes
8. Meets me at the spot where we had our first kiss.

The rest of the evening includes us going to the restaurant where we had our first date. Then we will retire to a suite at a hotel with a whirlpool. I will of course will decorate the room before hand with lots of birthday/romantic gestures. I hope she got something naughty!

I hope I can pull this off. I hope she has fun.

cya laterz

"Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live."

Fear. It grips me like a predator clutching its prey. I can scream, thrash and carry on about how I hate it, but it keeps it's jaws implanted into my thoughts. For as long as I can remember I've never been able to handle its effect on me. From the time when I was a child until even now. Sometimes I don't even know I'm afraid until after I missed the event.

For me, fear comes in many shapes and sizes. It can be as simple as a fear of heights, flying or someone who I feel has power over me. It tends to make me back down, become passive-aggressive and wilt from the things I want to do or enjoy. Thus I continue to conclude that I do not handle my fears very well.

A month or so ago I heard about a book called, Unleash the Warrior Within. Now I'm not a huge promoter of self-help books, but the interview on the radio got me thinking that I could really understand and use this book to help me accomplish the things in my life. So I bought it last week.

Right now I'm to about page 90. And I have to say that I'm impressed. If you check the book out, you have to realize the author is an ex-Navy SEAL. He started his own form of martial arts and everything has a military edge to it. He doesn't talk down or make you examine the way you are, rather he is giving advice on how to change your life so you can focus on the things you want and thus make you happy.

Fear is a nasty weapon in both physical and emotional states. Somehow I have to overcome my fears so I can produce the life I really want, because I know I'm letting it slip away.

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Its been a tough week, I've been through a lot of shit both good and bad. I know a few people pop in and out of this blog and it makes me happy to see a few do stay in touch to see what I'm up too. I've struggled with what I should be putting on here. It tends to be a personal journal entry rather than informative, entertainment or whatever else pass for blogs these days. So I'm often reluctant to post since it turns into a lethargic entry about what I'm dealing with in my head.

Thanks for dropping in Kat and Etain. I have to admit that I can't place exactly who you are Etain, but I'd like to find out. Anyways if you do drop by from time to time and want me to post more, let me know. If not no worries.

cya laterz
moi

Hot English Tea anyone?

Life has tasted like a used tea bag dunked in lukewarm water. It hasn't been all that bad, but then again, life hasn't offered me anything new and unusual.

Have you ever mentally mapped out your life by your decisions and actions. I'm not talking about using Google maps. If I would have done this or had handled that situation better, I would not be where I am today. Where is a relative term, it could mean location, but I really mean your emotional state. Hell it could even be spiritual. Pun intended!

I seem to battle with all three aspects of my being. I've come to realize how I fear rejection. I have one or two reactions. The desire to have someone/thing is so overwhelming I chase it away or I realize it can't be mine so I hide within myself. I've always been an all or nothing sort of guy. The problem with my approach is I find most times I end up with nothing.

Over my life I have found that I have let things slip through my fingers because of my absence, not because of my aggression. ("It's better to burn out then fade away.") I feel defeated when things don't go my way. Any form of rejection slides me into a reclusive attitude. This is not good when dealing with relationships.

Women don't want a man who crackles under pressure. Melancholy is not a sexy attribute. Do I become introverted because how she is treating me or is she treating me because I crawl into my own head? Probably a bit of both, since nothing is always black and white. But my reactions helps propel this circular cycle. It then becomes where I must become mentally tough and rise above these things and realize that rejection (a broad term of how I feel I'm being treated) and continue to treat women with a sense of passion and confidence I display when I first met them.

Maybe a slower start would help make it last longer. (No not sex you perverts!) Pace myself through the relationship so that I've not extinguished my fervor. But keep the fire burning at an easier temperature so that we both feel warm and fuzzy inside.

All in all, I think I need to do a better job of paying attention to her rather than myself. If I do a better job of that, then I will reap the benefits I want. It really does become that simple, the hard part is putting yourself aside and trying to reach into that pretty heart of theirs and sensing what will really make them happy.

Laugh a lot more!

cya laterz
moi