Scott Adams:

ID vs ToE
*ding*
Let the argueing begin! You read it. I'll reserve my thoughts so that I don't get flamed! LOL.

I've been trying to finish our latest website project. Almost all of our sites have been done in flash, but this one has a database back end where users can order via Paypal a guitar from his site. And the actionscript has been kicking my butt. Not because it is so difficult, hell I can program about any language in my sleep. The problem is that you need to be aware of the 'movie' while the script is trying to run. Another issue is that expect a function to be included, but then you realize you have to write it yourself. I guess it is all the little nuiances in learning it. We'll have the site done today or tomorrow, then I'm going to 'fix' it since I'm not happy with the response time from the database.

In other news, its all quite on the northern front. It is supposed to snow tonight. *sigh* I'm not looking forward to this winter. It might be my "Winter of discontent." I make it sound like I'm baracaded in my house with a standing army waiting to starve me out. In an earlier post I stated how unhappy I was and I'm not sure if that was the best way to describe it. The words written around the statement are as true as I could make them.

I'm directionally challanged. My business seems to have growth and relapses, but I'm not sure how to handle it any better than I'm doing. Personally I know I'm swimming in a sea of self-doubt. Not that I don't have confidence or the ability to meet a woman that would make me happy, but what should she be like? When you find that perfect one and she moves on without you are you supposed to measure everyone else up to those standards? I doubt it. It wouldn't be fair to those that you meet nor to the woman that once was. So I understand I need to find something new about these women who enter my life and judge them on an individual basis. But are they going to 'get' me? Hell do I get what I'm all about? That's probably my problem I'm more worried about how people will respond to me instead of figuring out what I'm supposed to be focusing on and letting the chips fall where they may.

Last night I had a social event. The Chamber of Commerce in the area put on a meet and greet gathering for the local members. Jenny and I showed up a bit after 5 and felt a bit overwhelmed by all the people there. Food, drinks and chatting were all free. We met someone from the Chamber who was kind enough to start introducing us to some of the other members. Our first introduction was to a representative of CellCom a local cell phone company. We pressed hands, explained who we were and what we did. He mentioned a deal only for Chamber members with his company and the lady escorting us went bonkers with telling us what a great deal he offered. I felt like I was in a daze, people swirled around us, the aroma of food from the table beside us and the call of free booze descended over the crowd noise. Then we locked into that lull with our new cellphone friend where neither of us knew what to say. Our escort became distracted by other people and I managed to stick my hand out and say, "Pleased to meet you."

We stood in the middle of the room like a snowflake lost in a blizzard. I suggested we go get something to drink. At least it was something to do. She got a diet coke and I took some spritzer that I knew I wouldn't enjoy drinking, but it made me feel important. We turned back towards the throng of people and had no clue where to start. For the entire night I knew it was my duty to press my hands into these people and tell them about my business, but seeing everyone in their unique clusters of people didn't give me cause to interrupt them. Like lions on the hunt, we waited until one of the herd became separated and pounced upon them.

The night progressed and we met a dozen or more people in various types of businesses. We did manage to get a lead or two for website designs. I told Jen that this was like going to church. The first time or two people eye us as outsiders wondering if we are going to continue to come around. And as we feel more comfortable in these settings I think we will be approached as well as find an ease to greet others we haven't met yet. Patience.

I haven't finished my story yet. Its sitting on my desk, half written in some old notebook. The pattern has become complete with this and I fear it will continue to sit there and then be forgotten.

outta here

I wrote this bit tonight...Do you sense a pattern?
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Chilly air trickled in from the small opening of my window. It tickled my nose and I grabbed the blankets and pulled them up to my chin. I closed my eyes and imagined you lying next to me.

In your slumber a smile had crept upon your lips. Taking care not to wake you, I turned towards you. Temptaton stired and I desired to touch every part of your body, but I composed myself. Your perfume from the day before aroused every sensual muscle that had yet to waken. Closer I leaned until I noticed your nipples pressed against your red satin nightgown. I resisted the temptation to draw a light circle around them to see if they would grow further. While I drank in your body, inside my mind I heard your laugh, your pleasant sigh and the way you said my name. Your smile grew as I realized you did speak my name. Your hand reached up and held the side of my face while I melted up against your warm body. That was how I wanted to wake up.
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Yesterday I started the short story for the contest. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to finish it in time. It isn't something I usually write, but at least it is something, huh?

I had a terrible weekend. I'd rather be anywhere but here kind of weekend. With winter coming it doesn't help. I can't think of any place to go anyways, so I realize as usual I'm stuck. That probably sucks the worst of it all. For most of my life, I had often wondered what I wanted to be when I grew up. But in the long run the question has always been, what will make me happy. And after all this time and searching I only found a glimpse of it once and I pissed it away. Now all this time I've felt lost going from day to day hoping for the spark of the unusal to grab my attention. I used to be happy. I think I've forgotten how that even feels let alone how to attempt to be in that state of mind. Maybe it has passed me by and I'm looking downhill to the end of my life without hope. Probably not, but sometimes it really feels like that.

outta here for now

Will Wheaton has a nifty blog. Even though the popularity is astounding I wonder if it becomes an issue of 'having' to post. Heh. What the hell would I do if I 'had' to post something everyday? I suppose I'd do it, but with so many things going on I'd end up forgetting and well it would end up like this site? Six months would drift by and then, "BAM!" Hey Bob got a wild hair up his lily white ass and posted something. And yes folks it is lily white.

It is day two of the write a short story contest and guess how many words I've gotten down on paper? I'll give you a hint. The contest expects about a five thousand word story. For those with poor math skills, that would be a thousand words a day. To take a step further, I'm supposed to have two thousand words completed by the time I go to bed. Maybe I should be doing something about it.....

I'm growing a goatee again. Not sure if I look better or not, but I suppose with the colder months on their way it will keep my chinny chin chin warmer. It's at the first week stage where it feels wierd. Enough length to play with, but not enough to be comfortable. It would help if my facial hair grew a little faster. Soon I'll be complaining that its growing too fast.

I solved a major web database issue today. We are working on a site that will read a database and dynamically place pics and text into a flash file. I think this is going to work great. Jennifer(my graphic assistant) is quite amazing with design. She does a pretty good job with art as well, but her real talent is making things look good. I've come to learn that I need to stop inputing my ideas (when I get going, its hard to stop) and let her do what she does best and she's darn good at it.

checking out now...

I gonna do it. This short story contest. Dunno what I'm going to write. Don't even have a clue, but maybe it will get me to write again. I mean seriously write. Or at least for a week or so. Wizards, war, witches, or wildsex? What should be my topic/plot? I dunno. Since I got the wild hair up my ass about five minutes ago I suppose ome thought would be in order.

Otherwise things aer pretty drab around here. Not enough sex, not enough money and to add to the cliche' not enough beer(video games). Not like I drink beer that much, but I have to appear normal even if I'm not. If not, I could be sent to a geek rehab hospital. "Hello my name is Bob and I'm a geek."

A small echo of response from the other geeks, "Hello Bob."
I'm not just a member, I'm the president!


Okay so I'm probably not that much of a geek. I do occasionally talk to a member of the opposite sex. There are times when I travel outside. I play basketball at noon. And many other non-geekie things. But I'm not a stud. I wonder what life would have been like if I was a stud. You know. A man's man. Lets say I worked on cars, fixed up the house, and had a few beers at the local pub every Friday night with 'the guys". Made sure I was main streamed, didn't get hyper over 'Lord of the Rings', Far Side comics and didn't read a book a week or so. Hell I don't even know what a typical guy really thinks and is. I mean I think about sex all the time so I guess that would be part of it, but what would happen if I didn't have the geekie stuff in my life? I know I'd probably drink a lot more and it would have to be a particular brand of beer. Would I smoke? I dobut that... Now how the hell did I get here when I started off about a silly writing contest that don't mean a hill of beans to many people?

Until next time...

Flesh. Warm, silky, and long legs underneath the covers. When I wake up in the morning all I want to do is roll over, place my hand above her knee and trail my palm up the back of her thigh until I reach her ass. Then she would stir, but my hand would find its way to her stomach, my fingers might tease her belly button and the tickle sensation would back her body into mine. We'd lay in bed snuggled in our blankets, the crisp autumn air struggling to get in, but our place is next to each other. I hear her purr as my hand gently travels up over her ribs and touches the tips of her nipples. They spring to life as I then cup her breast in my hand. Then my hand returns back down, retracing her body with a gentle massage waking her up to the new day.

Sometimes we would make love. Usually not with a lot of foreplay, but with the sensation of being inside, close and together. Becoming one before the day starts. The world is brutal enough without the impact of feeling your woman has faith in you. Starting the day alone sacrifices humanity.

It's beyond sex. The closeness of a body so fine and sexy in your grasp. All you can do is think about pleasing that person and making her delight in your presence.

I guess I have to realize that pleasuring a woman goes beyond the physical, but emotional and mental. I wish I knew how to do that. I think I've forgotten (or really never knew) how to connect with someone on all three levels. I need to control my patience and learn how to listen better without trying to interject my opinions. Maybe then, I'll find someone soft and warm to wake up too next that will find delight in my touch.

Hey all...Thought I'd post here again. Wow..another post in almost two months. Stop him! He is writing WAY too much.

If you haven't seen the movie Serenity please do. It is a wonderful Sci-Fi movie and I think one of the best this year.

Oh well I'll try to write more laters...

cya