Icky Poo

I know its almost been a month since my last post. I haven't felt so keen about posting. In truth I haven't had much to look forward too except for issues and problems.

I'm seriously thinking of giving up my software business. This is going to kill me. I know I can do the work, its just that work is too far and few between right now. In the past six months, every time I feel like I have landed a large contract, it either drags on forever or the interest vanishes.

I've been approved for a large contract this month, ($40,000 or so) and another $4,000 in July. I might have another job worth around $10,000 in the next few weeks. And the proposal I did in Feb/March with the company in Florida is still up in the air. That would be worth around $20,000. If...and that is a big IF they all came in this week I'd be saved. Of course I'd need another potential customer or two in the next month or so to start the long process as well. It seems to take a year to get anything big going. The smaller jobs are nice, but only if I have other means of income coming along the way.

I feel like I'm losing everything and I can't grab onto one specific thing. Nothing is exempt from my life as far as confusion and utter hopelessness is concerned. I often feel like I make one mistake after the other trying to fix it. It seems as if I clean up the shit in one room only to track into the rest of the house.

I wonder what I should do. I can't even think straight any more. I don't even know who to talk to get my head on straight. I thought things were supposed to be easier as you get older. It gets worse...at least for me. I'm tired of myself and the decisions I make. And now I put off making decisions and it is hurting me.

cya laterz